Secrets That We Keep I
by Cheryl Roberts
Summary: Tommy has a secret that's already cost him his relationship with Kimberly; will it cost him Jason's friendship as well? Originally Posted Jan 2000
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:  The Power Rangers are Saban's characters; I'm just borrowing them for a little bit (and without permission, I might add).  : ) 

My thanks to those of you who read this prior to posting for keeping me at it.  Also, thanks to Willow for her wonderful editing/proofing/making-sure-I-got-it-right job.  You're the best.

This story does not contain any graphic content (but its sequels will); however, it does contain some mature themes.  So if you're not comfortable with the topics of homosexuality and bisexuality, I wouldn't read any further.  CR Nov 1999/Jan 2000

Secrets That We Keep 

by Cheryl Roberts

One:

Divatox and Maligore were defeated; Lerigot and his family had returned home.  The Karate tournament was won, and the Little Angel's shelter was saved.  The team had awesome new Powers.  Rocky's back wasn't permanently injured.  So why wasn't Tommy in the mood for a party?

All around him in the Youth Center, folks were celebrating their various victories.  Adam and Justin were regaling Rocky with the tale of their adventure.  Jason was at the counter talking with Emily, who laughed and blushed prettily at something the former Gold Ranger said.  Kat and Tanya were surrounded by a throng of excited children from the shelter.  Everyone was happy, except him.

Well, almost everyone.

Across the noisy room sat a young woman in an island of silence; she looked as if she were enjoying the festivities as much as he was.  Rocky had drifted away from Adam and Justin and had settled down to talk to her.  She smiled, but there was no warmth in her normally cheerful, welcoming grin, and her eyes were as somber as if this were a funeral.  That pained Tommy more than he cared to admit.  The Kimberly Hart he had fallen in love with was always so full of life and joy; to see her look so dead inside... to know that it was probably all his fault... was almost more than he could bear.

Divatox could not have devised a worse torture for him than showing him Kimberly and Jason held prisoner in her bilge.  He could still feel the helpless rage smoldering within him at the thought that the two people dearest to him in all the world should suffer while in her clutches.  It nearly killed him to burst into the chamber in the volcano to find them suspended over that pit... and the image of their glowing red eyes once they were under Maligore's spell would haunt his dreams for a good long while.

It had been so hard to fight them, especially Kim.  He knew the dark magic had magnified the hidden angers in their souls.  He and Jason had already talked through what the spell had brought out in him: resentments Jason never even realized he had harbored when he'd been replaced as team leader; leaving the team to go to the Peace Conference (although that had been his choice); the loss of the Gold Ranger Powers and the state _that_ had left him in.  As for Kimberly... they had barely exchanged a dozen words, but Tommy knew where her anger had stemmed from.  And while he was grateful that Lerigot had been able to sever Maligore's twisted hold on his friends, it profoundly hurt that _he_ hadn't been able to break through the madness and free them... that he had ultimately failed them both.

"You should go talk to her," Adam said softly, intruding upon Tommy's thoughts.

"Huh?" the Red Ranger mumbled distractedly.

"Kimberly.  Go talk to her," the Green Ranger advised.  The two glanced over at the seat that Rocky had vacated.  "Look, I know you're still hurting over her letter.  You need to talk to her.  Find out what happened..."

Oh, he already knew what had gone wrong between them...

"...so you can both move on," Adam concluded.

...he just didn't know how to make things right.

***

Kimberly's eyes surveyed the noisy throng packed into the Youth Center.  She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing there, except that Jason had begged her to come --and promptly abandoned her to chat with his girlfriend.  Kim essayed a heartfelt smile as she watched the two together.  Her long-time friend had positively gushed about his bright-eyed Emily while they were cooling their heels in Divatox's submarine.  She'd never seen Jason act like that over any girl in all the time she'd known him.  She wished the couple all the best.

Her heart went out to Rocky, who had gone over to bedevil Tanya and Katherine.  He was just beginning to feel the withdrawal pangs from giving up his powers.  Anyone who had ever held and surrendered a Power Coin experienced the same sense of loss... of incompleteness.  It would fade, in time, but the pangs were easier to overcome when one had friends to provide support and understanding.  Then there was his back... at least the doctors expected him to make a full recovery.  He wouldn't lose his Karate on top of his Ranger career.

Her eyes continued roving over the gathering.  Rocky had filled her in on all the latest goings on (Jason had been a little out of touch lately).  She spied Adam wandering over to rescue Tanya from the circle of enthusiastic songsters clustered around her.  Kim mused on the letter Aisha had written to say that their bashful friend had a sweetheart.  During their adventure, Kim had noticed an indefinable difference in Adam; the current Yellow Ranger had been good for him.  Then there was Justin, as bright as Billy, but so young.  Although, Rocky had said that the youngster had had to grow up quickly when his mother had died (very much as Billy had).  She just hoped Zordon knew what he was doing, allowing someone so young to be a Ranger.

Next, Kim's gaze fell on Katherine, and she was flooded with a host of conflicting emotions.  The young woman from Australia was a friend... one she trusted enough to carry on in her place when she left the team to pursue gymnastics.  However, the pretty blonde hadn't just replaced her as the Pink Ranger; she had replaced her as Tommy's girlfriend.

_You're not being fair to Katherine and you know it!_ she scolded herself.  And yet, she could still feel the dark fire of Maligore's taint and taste the bilious thoughts it engendered: _She has everything you ever loved...._  Kim gave herself a mental shake; she never wanted to feel like that ever again.  It wasn't Kat's fault she had left the team.  It wasn't the former diver's fault she had broken up with Tommy --that had been _his_ doing.  She remembered the black rage that had gripped her as she had stared Tommy down: _He's finally learned to love another... her, but not me...._  The bitter aftertaste of her descent into darkness left her feeling filthy inside.

If Tommy had _finally_ learned to let go of his obsession, if he had found a place in his heart for another after all this time, then she was truly happy for him.

_I just wish it could have been me._

The trouble was, she _knew_ Tommy... knew him in ways that no one else --not even his parents-- did.  And she was very afraid that what Tommy and Katherine shared was the same charade he had shared with her... the pretense that had weighed so heavily on her soul and forced her at last to let him go, leaving her scarred in ways she hadn't dreamed possible.  No one else deserved to go through what she had; he had no right to ask that of anyone else.

Kimberly didn't even need to search the crowd for Tommy.  Somehow, she always knew right where he was.  She always seemed to know when he was near... and he was making his way towards her.  She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, bracing herself for the inevitable confrontation.  When she felt steady enough, she opened her eyes again and studied him carefully.  

He was still absolutely gorgeous, though it'd take some getting used to the fall of wavy locks instead of the straight mahogany cascade she used to run her fingers through (when comforting him or when she forgot that things weren't as they seemed).  He had been working out more; his shirt was tight across his chest, displaying well-developed pecs and abs to perfection.  And his eyes....  She frowned as she paused her wistful inventory of her ex-boyfriend's attributes.  She had always loved his eyes.  Soft, warm... she could lose herself in those chocolate-colored depths so easily.  She could always read Tommy's feelings in his eyes... the way his smile glistened therein when he was happy, the way they darkened and grew cold and hard when he was angry.  Now those eyes were dull and lifeless.  Was she the only one who could tell he wasn't as happy on the inside as he appeared to be on the outside?  Could anyone else see the slight slump in his carriage or the fact that though he was tanned from the sun, his face was pale beneath it?

_He looks how I feel,_ she mused.  _Like hell!_  Only, she had no idea why Tommy should be so miserable.

"Hey, Kim," Tommy began softly, resting a hand on the back of the empty chair directly across from her.  He couldn't believe how nervous he was!  He'd tried to figure out what to say to her as he made his way over --a walk that had lasted an eternity, a walk that hadn't lasted long enough.

"Hi," she replied hesitantly.  She seemed just as scared as he was.

"Do you mind?" he asked, indicating the seat.

"No.  Sit down.  Please."

Tommy sat, folding his hands on the table in front of him.  Kimberly toyed with the straw in her drink.  Neither knew what to say, and both were acutely aware of the fact that there had been a time when they could --and had-- say anything to each other.

"How are you holding up?" he asked at last.  But was he referring to recovering from Maligore's spell, gymnastics, or the letter?  That would be for Kimberly to decide.

She recognized that he had set the onus of the conversation on her shoulders and opted for the easy way out for now.

"I'm doing all right; I'm glad to have a little break from the gym --even if I did almost become monster munchies."  That elicited a small grin from the pair.  "I was surprised Coach let me come home so close to the Games."

"That's right; they're in, like, two months, right?" Tommy responded, grateful for the neutral topic, while hating himself for being such a coward.  "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be, but I've got two months of intensive practices ahead.  I may be too pooped to compete!"  She paused to sip her drink.  "I know competing at this level has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl, but I'll be glad when the Games are over."

"Why's that?"

"It's lonely being there all by myself.  Nearly all my friends are here... Aisha and Trini are overseas... my mom's in Paris....  I guess I'm just feeling homesick."

"It'd be great to have you back," Tommy said.  "Things haven't been the same since you left."

He felt like kicking himself for being so eager, especially when he glimpsed the surprise that flashed in her eyes.  Still, the words were said, and he wouldn't retract them.  They were they truth.  He only hoped she believed them.

"I've missed you," he added suddenly, the words pouring out; he couldn't have stopped them if he tried.  He looked away quickly so she wouldn't see how startled he'd been that he'd given voice to his heart's longings.

"I've missed you, too."  Kim had spoken without thinking; it was just so easy to fall back into old habits.  Too easy.  As quickly as she had lowered her guard, she threw it up again.

Tommy could almost feel the walls of her reserve slamming closed, shutting him out.  He couldn't blame her.  She had opened herself to him once, and he had caused her pain... no matter how unintentional it had been, no matter how much he regretted it.  It was a risk she wasn't willing to take.  His heart grew heavy with that realization.  How could they possibly have a second chance if she wouldn't let him close again?

For now, though, he decided not to press her and changed the subject.

"I've got some great news," he announced and was somewhat astonished that there was no need to feign enthusiasm.  He all but radiated excitement.  "I haven't told anyone else yet, but Uncle John asked me if I'd like to drive for him now that I'm finished with school."

"You mean join his racing team?  Tommy, that's wonderful!" Kim beamed, her joy at his announcement as genuine as his own.  He had once told her that, as a boy, he used to dream of driving his uncle's racecars, and now....

"The way I figure it, I can race for a while and save up money for college and for opening my own dojo," he continued, immeasurably pleased that she approved of his decision.

Owning his own martial arts school was his ultimate dream, Kim well knew, and she was glad he wasn't giving up on it.  College, she knew, was more for his parents' sensibilities than his own, but a little education never hurt.  However, another thought cast a cloud over his happy revelation.  "What about the Rangers?  You won't be able to be the Red Ranger if you're out on the road."

"I know," he replied, his expression downcast.  "I've thought about it, and I think maybe it's time I retired and moved on."  He was startled when she reached out and laid a hand on his arm.  Her expression conveyed her understanding at how difficult making that decision had been for him.  "I figure I'll be able to stay with the team while I'm training at the track, and I'll talk to Zordon about finding a replacement."

"You haven't told him yet?"

He shook his head.  "You're the first."

For a moment, the two basked in the glow of rekindled camaraderie.  However, just as the two realized how good the other's presence felt, the moment passed, leaving them adrift in an awkward silence.

"So... um... I know you'll want to see your mom after the Games are over," Tommy floundered, trying to find something --anything-- to talk about to keep that fragile moment of friendship alive.  "Will you come home to Angel Grove after that?"

"I... don't know," she stammered.  She wanted to come back with all her heart, but what was there to come back to?  "Coach is pretty sure I can get a scholarship to any university I want...."

"Why not A.G.U. then?" Tommy interjected, a little too quickly for the suggestion to be considered strictly helpful.  He felt like kicking himself but plunged on nonetheless.  "Jason will be starting classes in the Fall; he said that Trini was thinking about transferring to be closer to home, and I'll be going there soon, too."

"We'll see," she sighed.  "There'll be plenty of time for me to decide once the Games are over."  Another extended silence fell, and Kimberly stirred the ice in her glass, gearing herself up to tread waters they had both been avoiding, but she had to know....  "So, how'd Jason's homecoming go?  I was surprised when Trini called to say he left the conference suddenly."

"All right, I guess," he said, her question catching him off guard.  "Things happened so quickly... we really needed Jase's help.  I was just glad he could come back on such short notice.  I'm only sorry that losing the Gold Ranger Powers had to mess him up so much."

"I bet you were glad to see him, though."

"Sure was.  It'd been so long...."  He offered her a lopsided grin and a shrug.

Kim frowned, not sure what to make of his response, so she continued on to the next matter she wished to pursue.  "Rocky tells me you're dating Katherine these days."  

She was careful to keep her tone neutral.  Tommy, however, cringed inwardly.  "Yeah... what about you?  Seeing anyone?"

"No time," she answered in clipped tones, warning Tommy away from the subject and letting him know that she wasn't going to be put off.  This was too important.  "Did you and Kat get together before or after Jason came home?"

Her pointed question rocked him even as it made him rapidly review his latest relationship.  He had been skittish about dating after Kim's letter.  Kat had patiently worked at opening him up again; things had been pretty casual between them for the most part.  He hadn't officially asked the Pink Zeo Ranger out until....

"After," he confessed sheepishly.

Kim closed her eyes and ducked her head as if absorbing a painful blow.

"She doesn't know, does she?"

Her tone was stern, the reprimand implicit.  She wasn't asking so much as she was confirming.  Tommy fidgeted in his chair, unable to meet her demanding gaze.

"Does she need to know?" was her quiet follow up, and she wasn't sure she was entirely successful in masking her tumultuous emotions.

Tommy didn't answer.  _Did_ Kat need to know?  Was it still an issue?  He couldn't say.  He had never come to any firm decisions; he hadn't even thought about it at all.  He'd just hoped to ride things out and see what happened, but really, all he was doing was hiding.

Kim sighed with disappointment and a touch of exasperation.  "Tommy, you can't keep doing this... to yourself... to others."

"I know," he admitted quietly.

"Do you?" she demanded, her eyes beginning to fill with tears for both his pain and hers.  "You're not going to be truly happy until you make peace with yourself, and you can't do that if you're hiding behind another girlfriend!"

"Kim, I didn't mean...." he began, helpless in the face of the droplets that slipped down her cheeks.  He always hated to see her cry, and it tore him apart to know that _he'd_ brought her to tears.

"I know you didn't mean to do any of this," she said huskily, fighting to maintain her composure and failing.  She didn't want to make a spectacle of herself in front of everyone.  Choking back a sob, she stood up.  "Tommy, please," she implored, impassioned.  "If you care for Kat at all, don't do to her what you did to me!"

With that, Kimberly fled the Youth Center, and Tommy buried his head in his hands.

*

The exchange had garnered no undue attention from most of the revelers, merely those who had a vested interest in the outcome.  Jason had faltered in mid-sentence when he noticed Tommy headed towards Kimberly.

"It's about time," he murmured.  He sincerely hoped that the two would resolve their differences.  Couldn't they see that they both still cared for each other a great deal?

"What?" Emily queried.

"Tommy and Kimberly," he answered with a nod to the table across the juice bar.

"I thought he was dating Katherine," his girlfriend pursued with a frown.

"He is, but the big doofus is also still in love with Kim... it's kind of complicated."

"Sounds like it," she agreed as she studied the duo.  Tommy's back was to them, but Kim's face was visible.  "She still cares a lot about him; you can see it in her eyes at times, but I don't think the conversation is going very well."

Jason was inclined to agree, and he wondered what could have gone so wrong between them that they couldn't get past it after all this time.  Then he noticed a glistening diamond-like glint on Kim's cheek, followed by another as she abandoned her seat.

"Em, excuse me for a minute," he said distractedly as he hopped up from his seat.  Emily hadn't answered, but he had told her how close he was to both Tommy and Kimberly.  He caught up with the petite gymnast as she reached the front door.  He put a restraining hand on her arm.  "Kim, what's wrong?  What did Tommy say?"

She turned to face him, her eyes brimming with a fresh fall of tears even as they streaked down her face.

"I can't do this anymore, Jason," she gasped.  His arms automatically pulled her into a comforting hug.  "I just can't.  I'm so tired of hoping and fighting and loving him....  Right now, I wish I'd have burned up in Maligore's volcano!"  With that, she tore herself from her long-time friend's embrace and ran off.

Jason drew in a deep breath before returning to the Youth Center proper.  He noticed that the other Rangers were all looking at him --except for Tommy, who was still bent over the table.  The one-time Gold Ranger's gaze came to rest on Katherine, whose sapphire blue eyes flashed angrily.

"Friend or not, if she's hurt Tommy again after everything he's been through...." the Pink Ranger hissed with protective ferocity as Jason drew nigh.

"Easy, Kat," he said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.  "Something tells me we've been viewing this whole break-up picture wrong."

"What do you mean?" she asked guardedly.

"Maybe we should be asking what Tommy did to Kim to make her break up with him," he replied.

"Tommy would never do anything to hurt Kim," Rocky insisted, not catching the cautionary look Tanya shot him.  "He loved her."

"We always believed Kim would never do anything to hurt Tommy either, but she did," Adam reminded his long-time friend, mindful that all this talk of Tommy and Kimberly couldn't be easy for Kat to hear.

"All I'm saying is that there is definitely more going on than we know," Jason continued.

"Maybe _you_ can get Tommy to talk, since he obviously didn't confide in any of us," Tanya said acidly, casting a covert glance at her best friend.  

Apparently, the Yellow Ranger didn't think too highly of the way Tommy and Kat's relationship had progressed, Jason mused.

"I would have thought he'd have told you --you're his best friend," Katherine commented.  Jason shrugged.  

"I'll see if I can get any more out of him this time around," he said and made a beeline for Tommy's table.

*

The distraught Red Ranger had not witnessed his teammates' exchange, but he didn't need to to be aware of their eyes on him.  They'd be concerned for him, but he really didn't deserve it.  He knew someone would come over eventually to ask him what was wrong; however, he couldn't deal with their questions and well-meaning solicitude.  Right now, he had to get away --far away.  He needed to think.  He needed to regroup.  However, before he could push his chair back, a solid hand clamped down on his shoulder.  As shudder coursed through him, and he didn't need to look up to know to whom the hand belonged.

"You know, you're lucky I know how much you care for Kim; otherwise, I'd pound you into a pulp for making her cry like that," the burly former Ranger began, and both young men knew he was only half joking.  Jason had once told Tommy that he thought of Kim and Trini as sisters and had obliquely warned him he'd better not ever hurt either one of them.  At the moment, Tommy wished that Jason would clean the pavement with him and put him out of his misery.

"You couldn't make me feel any worse than I already do," Tommy muttered morosely.

"You and I need to have a talk, bro."

"Not now, Jase; I really don't feel...." Tommy began, a tide of panic cresting within him.  There was no way he could tell Jason the truth of the matter.

"I don't recall giving you a choice," came the stern reply.

Tommy felt like a deer trapped in the headlights; he wanted to flee but couldn't move.  He tried to look away, unable to face his best friend, but Jason's inquisitive, commanding gaze held him fast.  He felt the blood drain out of his cheeks.

_I can't...!_

_You have to._

_It'll drive him away... just like Kimberly._

_The truth didn't drive her away; it was being used and taken for granted that broke her._

"Tommy, what's wrong.  Talk to me," Jason implored urgently, interrupting Tommy's inner struggle.

_He's your friend; if he can't accept this, then he isn't the friend you believe him to be.  You trust him, don't you?_

_With my life_, came the reply without a flicker of hesitation.

_Then why not with this?_

"All right," Tommy said at last, looking his companion squarely in the eye.  Yet for all his dread, he felt a lift in his spirit, and he realized that he was tired of hiding... tired of hurting.  "But not here."

"Okay," Jason agreed, very much relieved.  "How about my house?  It's closest."

"Sure," Tommy acquiesced.

"Don't worry, bro; whatever's wrong, we'll find a way to fix it."

"I hope so, man.  God, I hope so."


	2. Two

Two:

Jason leaned against the edge of his desk, arms folded across his chest.  He watched as his best friend prowled about his bedroom like a caged tiger.  The former Ranger had lost track of how many times Tommy had run his hand under his long locks --a nervous habit indicating extreme agitation.  Then there was the fact that Tommy had handed him his communicator almost as soon as they had entered the room.  What could be so bad that Tommy was afraid he might bolt and teleport out?

"Tommy, talk to me," Jason said when he could no longer stand the silence.

"I want to, Jase... in a lot of ways, I think I have to; it's just so hard," Tommy began, his tone laced with agitation, strain and weariness.  "I've kept this inside for so long that I don't know where to begin."

"Just take your time," the ex-Gold Ranger advised.  "All I want to do is help."

"I know," came the tired sigh.  "I think the only reason I'm going through with this is that part of me hopes that you'll be able to help me straighten things out with Kimberly."

"Trust me; I'd like nothing better than to fix this mess of yours.  I just don't get it.  While Kim and I were Divatox's prisoners, she told me that she still loved you, but she acted as if you never gave a damn about her.  And yet, here you are, so desperate to work things out that you've all but forgotten you're dating Kat."

In his excitement, Tommy let the last part of Jason's statement pass.  "She still loves me?  Really?"

"Yes.  She told me she'd never stopped...."

"What else did she say?"

"Apparently, not as much as she should have," Jason remarked with wry amusement at the eagerness in Tommy's voice.  His whole demeanor was very much like that of the love-struck teenager Jason recalled from not-so-long ago.

"It all started with some mindless chit-chat to pass the time," Jason began.  "When I called her to tell her about the tournament, we both had been in a hurry, so we promised to catch up on things later.  That turned out to be in Divatox's submarine.  After we'd talked a while, it was as if we'd run out of safe things to say, so I got up the nerve to ask her about the letter."

Jason's mind drifted back to the damp, desolate confines of the space pirate's bilge.  They had been taking a break from their efforts to find a means of escape.  They sat on the wet floor; Kimberly, her arms resting across her knees, simply stared off into the far shadowy corners.

_"I know it's none of my business, Kim, but what happened between you and Tommy?  Why the letter splitting up with him?  Did you **really** find someone else?"_ he asked.  He had always wanted to hear her side of the story, because what Tommy had told him just hadn't made sense.  _"After Tommy got your letter, he called me....  God, Kim, I'd never heard him sound so broken up, not even the first time he'd lost his Green Ranger Powers."_

His words elicited no response from his companion, but he noticed that she had leaned back against the bulkhead, her eyes closed.  Her expression was pained.  His heart went out to her.  He hadn't meant to open old wounds; he merely wanted to understand what had gone wrong between two of his oldest friends.  

_"When he teleported to my dorm room a few hours after his call, the poor guy was on the verge of tears,"_ he pressed on.  Jason could not remember ever seeing Tommy cry.

_"H-he went to see you?"_ Kim gasped, acting as if visiting him was the most outrageous thing Tommy could have done.

_"Yeah, he teleported right in.  Good thing I had a single,"_ he replied.  _"He hadn't even cleared it with Zordon.  Man, I bet he had a mess of explaining to do when he got home."_

Jason noticed that Kimberly's shoulders were shaking, and he thought she was laughing silently.  However, in the dim light he glimpsed tears trickling down her cheeks.  Concerned, he put his arms around her trembling shoulders.

_"Tell me what's going on,"_ he urged in his best 'big brother' voice.

She leaned into him, sobbing.  _"I never meant to hurt him, Jase; I still love him...."_

He waited patiently for the emotional storm to subside.

_"There was never another guy... although I hope I'll find someone someday who can make me forget him.  I **had** to let Tommy go.  I couldn't keep on pretending... it just hurt too much.  He doesn't need me like he used to; there's no reason for him to hide...."_

"We didn't get to finish the conversation because Divatox's flunkies came to collect our wetsuits.  With everything that happened after that, I'd just sort of forgot about it," Jason concluded.  "But at the time, I remembered thinking that Kim's words didn't make any sense.  What did she mean she couldn't keep pretending?  About what?  You two were as tight as any couple I'd ever seen!  You didn't need her?  What could you possibly have to hide?"

Tommy shook his head in amazement, his heart swelling with a flicker of hope and happiness.  To know that Kim still cared... in spite of everything....

"What is it?" Jason asked, noting his hopeful expression.

"I can't believe that after everything I put her through, she didn't tell you."

"You should know better than that, Tommy," Jason admonished.  "If you asked Kim not to tell me something, she wouldn't."

"I would have understood it, though," Tommy went on, heedless of his best friend's words.  He was still marveling at everything Jason had just told him.  "I really hurt her, Jase; she'd have been justified in getting me back."

"She's not a spiteful person, and besides, regardless of whatever it is you did to her, she still loves you.  Now, are you going to stop beating around the bush and tell me what this is all about, or do I have to force it out of you?" he demanded, wiggling his fingers menacingly.  Both were all too aware of how ticklish the Red Ranger was.  He could resist being pounded to a pulp, but he had no defense against being tickled.

However, when Tommy opened his mouth to spill his guts, the words wouldn't come out.  He couldn't make them.  He was gripped by this notion that if he never actually came out and admitted what he knew, that would somehow make it less true.

_I thought I'd made my peace with this a long time ago!_  Obviously, he still had some unresolved issues.  Yet, he had to tell Jason.  It was the only way....

"I'm...." he floundered, then threw up his hands in exasperation and stomped over to the window.  He rested his head against the pane and slammed his fist down in frustration on the sill.

"Take it easy, Tommy," Jason said soothingly, abandoning his post by the desk and joining his troubled companion by the window.  He laid a supporting hand on Tommy's shoulder.  "You know you can tell me anything."

"Even that I have a _thing_ for other guys?"  Tommy forced the euphemism out before his throat had a chance to close up again.  He couldn't make himself look at Jason, so he closed his eyes and braced himself to have his worst fear come to life.

_What the hell did Tommy mean he had a thing for other guys?_ Jason wondered, thoroughly puzzled.  As he tried to make sense of his friend's announcement, he noticed how taut Tommy's body was and felt the tremors shuddering through him.  It was as if his distraught comrade was tensed to absorb a blow.A thing for guys... _thing_... that's where the emphasis had been.  What sort of _thing_ did he mean?  Then, a notion took hold.  _No way!_  It was ridiculous.  Jason shook his head in amusement and denial.  There was no way Tommy was....  "Are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

Tommy heard the disbelief and laughter in Jason's voice.  The former Gold Ranger was not taking this seriously!  Okay, he had to admit that it probably sounded pretty farfetched, considering his relationship with Kimberly, but Jason _had_ to believe him!  The Red Ranger swallowed hard and steeled himself to turn around, to face Jason and meet his eyes.

"Not gay.  Bisexual," Tommy said softly, his voice scarcely above a whisper, but the words were crystal clear.  He held his best friend's gaze, willing him to accept the truth.  At that moment, he would have given anything to be able to let his closest companion read everything that was in his heart and soul.

Jason gaped at Tommy.  His teammate's face was pale, but his gaze was steady... open... his expression was serious.

Bisexual.  That meant he was attracted to both women _and_ men.  But how...?  When...?  There had never been any indication that Tommy had been interested in other guys that he had ever picked up on.  Surely he'd have noticed _something_; after all, the two of them shared things with each other that they'd never told another living soul.  And what about Kimberly?  Jason would have bet any amount of money that Tommy only had eyes for her.

Tommy watched as Jason struggled to digest his words and find something to say.  He observed the parade of emotions play across his burly sparring partner's face.  He read plenty of surprise and confusion, but there was none of the anger or revulsion he had so feared.

_I guess Kimberly was right about that._

"You're serious," Jason finally muttered, trying to get a grip on his whirling thoughts.  He didn't want Tommy to misinterpret his reaction.  He remembered how difficult and painful it had been for his cousin Eric when he had come out to the family; his aunt and uncle hadn't taken that well at all.  "I'm sorry, Tommy... I don't mean to....  I had no idea....  It's just that I thought I _knew_ you, bro, and now...."

That's what was behind the former Ranger's shock; it wasn't the fact that Tommy was attracted to guys, it was that his best friend had kept something like this from him.  As close as they had been, such an exclusion hurt.

"I'm sorry, too, man," Tommy said.  "Do you think it was easy keeping this from you?  I just didn't want anyone else to know.  I was afraid...."

"Of what?  That I wouldn't understand?  That I wouldn't be able to accept that my best friend was gay --or whatever?  Your sexual preference doesn't change the person you are inside.  I thought you knew me better than that!"

"I know it _now_, but back when I first had to deal with all of this, I was real confused.  I didn't know you very well, but I did know that I didn't want anything to take your friendship away from me.  And after things were more solid between us, I had thought about telling you --a couple of times-- it was just too easy to ignore it and keep on pretending than to take the risk."

"You're not going to lose my friendship over this," Jason assured him.  "Hey, Zedd and Rita couldn't even destroy our bond with all their spells!"

"Thanks, Jase," Tommy sighed, smiling with gratitude, his eyes shining with a suspicious liquid glimmer.  "That means a lot to me; I'm going to need your support now more than ever."

"You got it, bro."  And he offered Tommy a heartfelt hug.  "So, how'd your parents take it when you told them?"  Jason couldn't imagine Mr. and Mrs. Oliver being anything but totally behind their son.  They were the most laid-back, understanding parents he knew.  Nothing seemed to faze them.

"They don't know," Tommy confessed shamefacedly.

"You haven't told them?" Jason gasped, astounded.  Tommy rarely kept things from his parents; if he could have, he would have told them about being a Ranger.

"I've only ever told one person before today," was the quiet reply, and Jason's eyes lit up with dawning comprehension.

"Kimberly."

"Uh huh."

"Ohhh boy!  Maybe you'd better go back to the beginning of this whole mess," Jason advised.

"Better have a seat, bro; this may take a while."

Jason flopped down on his bed, and Tommy pulled out the desk chair, sitting on it reversed so he could rest his arms across the back.  He took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"For the longest time, I didn't know what was up with me," he began at last.  "It was like I kept getting my signals crossed.  About the time I _really_ started noticing girls, I started noticing guys in the same way.  My wet dreams were more confusing than erotic a lot of the time.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if it'd been one or the other.  Even if it had _just_ been guys that did it for me, it wouldn't have been so bad.  Okay, so dealing with being gay would have been pretty tough, but it wouldn't have been so confusing!  I finally gave up trying to make sense out of what was happening to me and used my martial arts training to focus past it and not let it bother me.  I figured sooner or later I'd make up my mind about which I was: gay or straight.  It never occurred to me back then that I swung both ways."

"Was this why you never dated before moving to Angel Grove?" Jason asked, recalling a long ago conversation.

"Sort of.  I was too afraid to let anybody get too close to me."  Tommy paused, shaking his head and chuckling.  "Boy, that sure flew out the window quick once we moved here."

Tommy sighed wistfully, and Jason could see that for as difficult as things had been for his friend in his early adolescence, whatever it was that had come to mind, it was still a powerful, cherished memory.

"Remember the martial arts expo where we first met and competed?" Tommy prompted.  "That's where I met _him_."

Jason's eyebrows climbed at the intonation of the pronoun.  That was the exact same way Tommy used to refer to Kimberly --all gushy and longing.

"Oh man, Jase... I'd never seen anyone like him," Tommy continued, his eyes aglow.  Jason was wide-eyed because that look was what he'd used to call Tommy's daydreaming-about-Kim look.  "He was absolutely gorgeous!  Those dark eyes... that smile... the way he carried himself... and a body that I just wanted to...."  Tommy stopped short, blushing as he realized how carried away he was getting at reliving that moment of love-at-first sight.

"Well, my drooling over him wasn't the important part of all this.  What was, was the fact that I had _never_ been affected by _anyone_ --girl or guy-- that strongly.  So when I found myself head-over-heels in love --lust, whatever-- with this guy, I just took it for granted that it meant I was gay."

"But it was only a few days after that that you met Kim!" Jason interjected.

"I know," Tommy confirmed with a rueful smile.  "The thing was, I was so busy obsessing over this guy that I didn't realize that same ton of bricks hit me when I met Kim by the lockers."

"How could you not have noticed?  You were always going on about her... doing cute little things for her... you were just like any other love-sick teenage guy."

"The only way I can explain it was that I wasn't thinking about what I was doing with Kimberly.  I was simply reacting.  I remember Zack teasing me about how nervous I was when I first decided to ask Kim out.  He said he'd never seen me so jumpy around her.  I wasn't nervous around her because, for the most part, I wasn't thinking of her as a potential girlfriend.  I wasn't trying to impress her or anything --at least not consciously.  She was a terrific friend... I liked her a lot, and I liked doing things to help her or make her feel good.  I was so wrapped up in my fantasies about that guy that I didn't really realize what was going on.  Jase, if I had any clue that I was trying to cozy up to Kim, there's no way I'd have been so easy about it.  Me, a nobody new kid, and the most popular girl in school...?

"Anyway, if things would have stayed like that, I'd have been fine, but I got to thinking...."

"Always a bad move," Jason said, unable to resist the jibe.  Tommy just glared at him and continued.

"The guy I had fallen for was as straight as they come; I knew there'd never be any chance for a relationship with him beyond friendship, and I didn't want to risk losing that by having him find out I had the hots for him.  I also realized that Kim really seemed to like me, so I figured if I had a girlfriend, I could forget about _him_ and no one else would ever find out that I was gay."

"So you were just _using_ Kim all this time?" Jason asked, his voice heavily laced with disappointment.  His tone made Tommy cringe.

"This is where it starts to get complicated," the longhaired teen sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Like it hasn't been already?"

Tommy rolled his eyes and forged on.  "I'm not exactly proud to admit that, yes, for a while, I used Kim --but only at first.  You know how messed up I was with losing my powers and stuff when Kimberly and I first started dating.  I was more lost that you can imagine.  I felt like I'd lose you guys as friends if I wasn't on the team.  I realized that the love of my life was a hopeless dream.  Then there was this girl I really enjoyed being with but I didn't understand why....  When Kim reached out to me that afternoon by the pond, it was like she had tossed me a life preserver, and I clung to it for dear life.

"After we started officially dating, I began noticing that the more time I spent with Kim, the more I found myself _really_ liking her.  For her.  For the way she made me feel.  However, I still had really strong feelings for this guy, too.  I began to feel guilty... like I was lying to Kim...."

"So you told her you were gay," Jason concluded.

"Yeah.  Like I said, I didn't know about being bisexual back then.  If I had....  I cared for Kim enough that I couldn't lead her on, so I told her I was gay... I told her all about _him_...."

Tommy closed his eyes; he could still see her stricken expression and the tears she tried not to cry but quietly rolled down her cheeks anyway.  He felt awful, and his own eyes had been none-too-dry either.  He remembered how tightly he held her hand as he poured his soul out.... 

_"I never meant to hurt you Kim, honest!  But I can't lie to you anymore,"_ he concluded, impassioned.  He hung his head, unable to stand the pain in her sweet brown eyes any longer, and he braced himself for the inevitable... only, it never came.

_"Do you really love him?"_ she asked at last.  Her voice was so soft he almost couldn't hear her.

_"Yes."_  This time, he managed to look her in the eye.

_"I understand,"_ she choked out.  _"Thank you for being honest with me... for trusting me."_

Tommy let out the breath he had been holding.  _"You don't know how glad I am that you understand.  I thought you'd hate my guts forever."_

_"I could never hate you, Tommy,"_ she said quietly.  _"And we'll always be friends.  The important thing is that you be happy.  So, are you going to tell him?"_

_"I can't,"_ he muttered morosely.

_"Why not?"_

_"I know he's not gay.  We're friends, but if he ever found out I was in love with him...."_

_"He'd be surprised and flattered...."_

_"I don't want to lose his friendship."_

_"Tommy, he won't stop being your friend because you're gay," _she asserted.

_"Please, Kim, I don't want him to know."_

_"All right, I promise I won't tell."_

_"Thanks.  Uh... can I ask you one more favor...?"_

"You asked her to keep on pretending to be your girlfriend," Jason realized at last.

"It was only supposed to be for a little while longer.  I didn't want you guys wondering why we'd split up all of a sudden.  Kimberly thought that'd be best, too.  Then Zedd started stealing my powers, and Kim was right there for me.  Man, I don't think I'd have gotten through losing my powers that second time without her love and support."

"So basically you're telling me your relationship was all a sham," Jason said.

"No, it wasn't!  That's what I'm trying to explain.  Somewhere in all this, it stopped being pretend... only I didn't realize it until it was too late.  My feelings for Kimberly were as genuine and strong as my feelings for you!" Tommy blurted out in exasperation, and even as the words passed his lips, he wanted to crawl into a hole or have one of Divatox's monsters stomp on him and squish him flat.

"You mean... _I'm_ the _him_ you've been talking about?" Jason sputtered, understanding dawning at last.  Yet, for all his shock, he should have made the connection sooner.  Tommy's revelation had been so stunning that it'd made him a little slow on the uptake.  Realistically, who else could it have been but someone on the team?  He had known everyone that Tommy had, back in the early days.  There weren't that many guys he had hung out with other than Billy, Zack and him.  And if it had been someone off the team, he'd have been worried about having his Ranger identity uncovered also.

"Yes," Tommy answered without a shred of his former fear.  It was as if finally telling Jason had set him free.  "I've been in love with you since the first time I bowed to you across the mats.  And I've loved Kimberly since the day at the lockers, only I didn't realize it until she broke up with me."

"So that's what you meant when you said 'now she'll never believe how much I really love her,'" Jason remarked, still working through his astonishment.  The final piece to the old puzzle of 'what went wrong' fell into place.  "When she sent you the letter, she was just doing something that should have been done a long time ago."

"She called me that evening... right before I teleported to see you," Tommy added.  "She explained everything.  She had sent the letter to the Youth Center so that our break up would be public and so that I wouldn't try to talk her out of it.  She invented the other guy so the others wouldn't get mad at me.  She told me I'd be all right and that since you were in Switzerland I wouldn't need to worry about hiding any more."

"Tommy, why didn't you just tell us --tell me-- about all this when the letter came?  Surely by then you knew I wouldn't turn my back on you."

"I did, but I was still scared.  I treasured your friendship too much to risk losing it over a hopeless fantasy."

"Instead, you lost Kim's."

"Not her friendship...."

"No, worse.  Her trust."

Tommy didn't reply.  He waited to see what Jason would say.  The two teens regarded each other thoughtfully.

"You, bro, have quite a mess here," the former Gold Ranger murmured.  He chose his next words carefully.  "I really am flattered that you feel so deeply about me.  I've never said it before --it was always something we understood-- but I do love you.  As a friend.  As a brother.  But not as a lover.  That's just not me."

"I've always known _that_," Tommy retorted dryly.

"The question is do you really love _Kimberly_ that way."

There wasn't a moment's hesitation.  "Yes."

"Not just because you can't have me?"

"No!" Tommy objected vehemently.  "I made that mistake once --never again!"  He let off an exasperated huff and got up to pace anew.  "How will I ever be able to convince _her_ if _you_ don't believe I love her?"

"Easy does it," Jason soothed.  "My problem isn't quite the same as Kim's.  I know you love her; it's the rest of it that's going to take some getting used to.  I just want to make sure you know why you want to get back together with her.  I don't want her to get hurt again."

"Neither do I."

"You know, though, you have a more immediate problem than convincing Kim you love her."

"I do?"

Jason sighed with disbelief.  "Aren't you forgetting you already have a girlfriend?"

"Oh, shit!" Tommy swore.  "Katherine.  What am I going to do about Kat?"

"I take it you never told her about all this."

"No."

Jason groaned then shook his head.

"I couldn't even tell you, and I've known you for lots longer," Tommy shot back defensively.  He sank back into the desk chair and dejectedly buried his face in his arms.

Jason crossed over to the desk and put a comforting hand on his pal's shoulder.

"Don't worry, bro; we'll get you through this somehow," he said reassuringly.  His heart truly went out to his best friend.

"I don't want to hurt Kat either; she doesn't deserve it, but I'm going to, aren't I?'

"'Fraid so, buddy.  She loves you."

"What'd I ever do to deserve the love of two such wonderful, patient women?"

"Beats me," the former Ranger said with a shrug.  His mocking tone caused Tommy to look up, and the ex-Gold Ranger shot his friend a kind smile.  "I guess the first thing we have to figure out is where you stand with Kat.  Do you love her?"

Tommy had never closely examined his feelings for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Pink Ranger.  "Kat is a wonderful girl.  I really enjoy being with her.  I care for her a great deal, and maybe given time, there could be something more between us, but right now I don't feel for her what I feel for Kimberly."

"Do you mind if I ask you why you started dating Kat?"

"She's a very sweet lady, and we got close as she helped me work through losing Kim.  I thought maybe there was something there for us...."

"Was it because I came back?"

"I didn't think so, but now I'm not so sure," Tommy admitted guiltily.  "Kim asked me the same question, and when I got to thinking about it, the fact that we didn't seriously start dating until you came home really makes me wonder.  I just can't be sure anymore, Jase."

"You're going to have to tell Katherine...."

"I know."

"_All_ of it."

"_All_...?" Tommy gulped.

"She isn't just competing with Kimberly for your affections," Jason pointed out, "and it isn't fair to Kim that she be the bad guy in this.  None of this is her fault.  She didn't break up with you because she fell out of love with you, and she didn't do it to hurt you.  She was trying to do what she thought was best for both of you.  The trouble is, what's best for both of you is to be together.  You're miserable apart.

"I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now or how tough this is going to be for you, but I know it's time for you to stop hiding.  The Tommy I've always known doesn't run away from his problems.  He faces them.  Are you still that Tommy?  My best friend?"

The two regarded each other for several long minutes, a host of emotions and thoughts leaping between them in their silent communication.  There had never been a need for a lot of words between them.

"I'm still that Tommy," came the answer.  "Thanks, Jase."

"Any time, bro."

Tommy stood and pushed the chair out of his way.  "I guess I'd better get busy; I've got a lot of people to talk to."

"Do you want to call Kat from here?" Jason asked.

"No, I'll talk to her in person --later.  First, I think I'd better talk to my folks."

"Do you want me to come along for moral support," Jason offered, knowing that this was going to be one of the toughest things his friend had ever faced.

Tommy smiled, his eyes glimmering with appreciation.  "That means a lot to me, but I'd better handle both of these on my own."

"Good luck, bro."

"I'm going to need it."


	3. Three

Three:

_"Kat, there's something I need to tell you...."_ Tommy had begun, and Katherine wished she could banish his voice from her head and the words from her memory.  She could do neither.

She had been expecting to have a conversation with Tommy about their relationship ever since Divatox had revealed who her hostages had been.  She had seen the look on her boyfriend's face when he saw Kimberly in the monitor.  Though he had quickly regained control of his surging emotions, that brief flash had been enough to confirm that he still had some pretty deep feelings for the captive gymnast.  Throughout her relationship with the Red Ranger, Kat had to contend with the ghost of his ex-girlfriend, and she had never understood why he would cling to a woman who had left him for another.  There was no reason to hang on to Kimberly when Tommy could have had any woman he wanted.

_"You're probably wondering why I still want to be with Kim even after everything she did.  The thing is, I've never told any of you guys the **real** reason she sent that letter... nobody else knows...."_

She knew now and wished she didn't.

Tommy didn't want another girlfriend; he wanted a boyfriend, and she just couldn't believe it.  That was why she was standing outside Kimberly's motel room trying to work up the courage to knock.  The stunned young woman felt tears threatening again, and she hastily scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.  Katherine was surprised she had any left after crying herself out in Tanya's arms last night after Tommy's departure.

_This can't be happening to me!  It's just not fair!  Why can't Tommy and I have a chance to be happy together? _she raged inwardly, using her anger to keep her tears in check.  It had been hard enough competing with another woman for Tommy's affection, but another man...?

_What's that joke?  All the good men are either married or gay,_ she reflected with a touch of bitterness.  Tommy was as good as both!

"Katherine?"

Her thoughts were disrupted by the surprised greeting.  The Pink Ranger looked up to see her predecessor coming down the corridor; she was dressed in a swimsuit, a towel wrapped about her hips.

"Hi, Kim," she responded in an unsteady voice.

"What's wrong?" Kimberly asked, her words laced with genuine concern as she took in the dark circles and red puffiness about the eyes and the stricken expression on her companion's pallid face.

For a moment, Kat didn't answer.  Only the other night she had wanted to lash out at the former Pink Ranger for bringing Tommy more pain and disrupting their relationship, and now she was turning to her... for what?  Confirmation?  Denial?  Solace?

"C-can we talk?" she asked at last, fumbling over the words.

The gymnast touched her arm in sympathy and smiled kindly.

"Tommy told you," she said with quiet certainty.

Kat didn't trust her composure, so she simply nodded, wondering at the sureness with which Kim made her claim.  Without another word, the petite young woman unlocked the door and ushered them both inside.

Kimberly directed Kat to have a seat on the bed, and the blonde waited as her companion pulled on her bathrobe over her still-damp suit.

"How'd you know...?" Kat ventured at last.

"What was troubling you?  Because I looked just the same way you do now the day Tommy told me," Kim said gently, taking a seat on the bed, too.

"So it's true?"  It was all Kat could think to ask, her eyes pleading with the woman across from her to say it was all some cruel joke.  The brunette merely smiled sadly and nodded her head.

"And you knew this the whole time you were dating Tommy?"

"Not quite the whole time --he told me not too long after we first began going out-- but close enough for it not to matter."

"How could you date him knowing he was in love with Jason?"

"He told you _that_?" Kim gasped in complete astonishment.  "I didn't think he'd ever tell anyone else that it was Jason.... he's always been so afraid of Jase finding out...."  Her mind was racing.  How could Tommy slip up like that after all this time?

"He didn't want to tell me," Kat confessed sheepishly, staring down at her folded hands.  They were clasped so tightly together, her knuckles were white.  "I was so hurt and angry... I thought he was just being a coward and concocting some cockamamie story to break up with me.  If I'd have stopped to think about it rationally, I'd have known that he was serious.  Tommy isn't the sort to lie... I just wasn't feeling very rational at that moment.  I demanded he tell me who it was."  She raised her eyes heavenward.  "God!  I wish I hadn't asked.  It was like stripping his soul bare, and he looked at me as if I'd just asked him to betray his best friend.  Maybe, in a way, I did."

"I don't think he'd intended to tell me about Jason either," Kim said, understanding exactly what Kat was going through: the shock, the anger, the denial....  "I think, though, that he _had_ to tell me.  He'd told me he was gay because he couldn't keep lying to me, but I believe he told me about Jason because if he didn't tell someone he was going to burst.  I guess he really needed a confidante to share his feelings with.  In spite of everything that's happened, I've always been glad that he thought enough of me to trust me with his secret."

Kim's words brought Kat's whirling thoughts up short.  _Gay?  He told me he was bi...._  She noticed Kim's expression had become distant, and a fond smile touched her lips.  She was beginning to see that Kimberly was as much in need to share this secret as Tommy had ever been.

"In those early days after he first told me, I can remember how Tommy would come to me and gush about Jason," Kim began with a quiet chuckle.  Suddenly feeling the need to do more than just sit there, she reached for her brush on the nightstand and began working it through her damp tangles.  "He didn't do it to be mean or rub it in or anything.  He was in love and just so happy to be allowed to show it.  He was as bad as Trini or Aisha telling me all about a hunk they'd seen at the mall!  It was kind of weird and kind of cute.  It hurt sometimes that I wasn't the one he was in love with, but I was also really happy for him.  How can you not be when someone is so happy?  And I was sad, too, that nothing would ever come of it for him.

"There was this one time he and I were waiting for the others in the park, and this _really_ gorgeous guy wearing nothing but his shoes and a _very_ short pair of running shorts came by.  Tommy and I turned at the exact same moment to get a second look, then sighed longingly.  When we realized what we had done, we laughed ourselves silly."

Kat couldn't hold back a smile at the mental picture that evoked.  However, Kim's wistful grin faded.

"After a while, he didn't do it as much," the former Ranger sighed, abandoning her hairbrush.  "I don't know why.  Maybe he got to feeling self-conscious again.  Maybe he saw that it hurt me...."

_Maybe he realized that he was falling in love with **you**,_ Kat mused.  Aloud, she said, "Why did you do it?  It had to be hell for you to be with him, knowing he was in love with someone else."  Any more than it had been easy for her dating Tommy, knowing how much he still cared for Kim.

"It wasn't all bad," Kim hastened to correct her.  "Tommy and I got along really well and had a lot of fun together.  Probably because there was no pressure to try and impress each other.  Oh, I liked dressing up for him, and he liked doing nice, thoughtful things for me.  It was just that we weren't doing those things because we felt like we had to, to win and keep the other's affection."

The Pink Turbo Ranger understood what Kim was trying to convey: that need to always show your best to the object of your desire, to never let him see that you were less than perfect.  She was as guilty of doing that as anyone.

"The only time it was bad was when I remembered that things weren't as they seemed... it was so easy to forget that none of it was real, sometimes."  Absently, Kim claimed one of the pillows and hugged it to her chest, rocking back and forth gently.

"Why did I do it?" she reiterated, getting back to Kat's question.  "Because the minute I laid eyes on Tommy, I fell in love with him, and there wasn't _anything_ I wouldn't do for him.

"He gave me opportunities to back out if I wanted to," she continued with a heavy sigh, "but I never took him up on them --until I'd gone to Florida.  I was hopelessly in love, and I honestly believed that I could make him straight... make him love _me_... if only I was patient and stood by him.  I even had fantasies of making love to him to make him forget all about Jason...."  She shook her head in disbelief, giving herself a reproachful snort.  "I was so naive... so blind.  It took me a long time to realize that that would never happen --and even longer to accept it.  I think I had my first glimmer of the truth when Jason left for the peace conference.

"Tommy was really shaken up by Jason's departure --on top of dealing with his new powers and responsibilities as team leader.  He was so afraid that he'd lose Jason... that they wouldn't remain friends.  He felt abandoned.  I remember sitting in his room, holding him while he talked.  I think that's when I realized that Tommy had more than a crush... that it wasn't a phase or something that could be 'cured.'  I began to see that Jason would always have a special place in Tommy's heart.

"I thought about breaking up with him then; without Jase around, Tommy didn't need a fake girlfriend to hide behind, and I didn't want to be a substitute for Jason forever, but I just couldn't bring myself to abandon him, too.  He needed me, so I hung on.

"Pretty pathetic, huh?" Kim snapped with self-directed censure.  "We were both pathetic; we both loved someone who could never love us back, and we were willing to settle for whatever kind of relationship we could get with the one we loved."

Kat was taken aback by Kimberly's harsh summation.  How could she possibly not see that Tommy had been as much in love with her as he had been with Jason?  He never treated anyone with the patience and consideration, friendship and respect he'd shown her.  Anyone who saw them together could see the love between them --even Zedd and Rita!  So why couldn't Kim?

Because Tommy had told her it wasn't love, and she believed him.  She had no reason not to.

Katherine wanted to shake some sense into her stubbornly blind companion.  Kim had to know in her heart that Tommy cared for her.  It didn't matter how much her head told her otherwise; if there had been nothing more than smoke between the pair, she wouldn't have stayed so long.  There had always been a faint flicker of hope that the petite brunette had clung to.  What had doused that tiny flame?

"What about your last Christmas at home?  While I wasn't around much, Aisha told me all about the Christmas party at the Youth Center and how chummy the two of you looked under the mistletoe...."

"I know," Kim said quietly, her voice beginning to crack.  "Since I'd first told Tommy about having to move to Paris, I'd noticed something different about him... about our relationship.  It seemed like the two of us had never been closer.  I thought that maybe, just maybe, he had finally learned to love me."  Kim made a rueful face as she qualified, "The way I'd always hoped he would, you know?" Then she continued past her own interjection.  "Especially after Zedd had stolen my powers.  I nearly turned Coach Schmidt down because I didn't want anything to ruin my chances of having a real relationship with Tommy.  That Christmas had been so wonderful....

"I had just returned to Florida when I had gotten a call from Tommy.  He asked me what I thought about him telling Jason the truth.  I don't know why, but when he said that, it felt as if Zedd was squeezing my heart in his cold fist.  Still, I told him that I thought it'd be the best thing he could do.  Then came the kicker.  His parents had bought him a round trip ticket to Geneva so he could go visit Jason.  Tommy was so excited, and then he started getting all nervous and worried about whether he should say anything while he was there, and he kept going on and on about how good it would be to see Jason after so long....  It was just too much.  I knew then that I couldn't keep fooling myself.

"So, I wrote the letter.  I thought it'd be easy since I was so tired of playing the game... it was something I should have done a long time ago....  Writing that lie was the hardest thing I'd ever done.  I don't know how many times I started it then crumpled it up or almost talked myself out of sending it.  I take that back... the hardest thing I'd ever done was actually dropping the thing in the mailbox.

"I thought I'd be relieved that it was over at last.  I should have been happy to be free, but... oh, God, Kat...!"

Kim finally broke down, and Kat was next to her in an instant, wrapping her devastated friend tightly in her arms as the young woman cried.  It was ironic.  She had come to Kimberly for comfort and reassurance, and she had wound up offering it instead.  In spite of her own tumultuous emotions regarding Tommy's secret, Kat, true to her nurturing nature, rocked her friend and rival, stroking her hair and just letting her vent for as long as she needed to.

"I-I'm sorry," Kim stammered as her tears began to subside and she tried to regain her composure.  "I didn't mean to come apart like this."

"It's all right," Kat assured her.  "Believe me, I understand."

"But you didn't come down here to have me unload on you."

"I came here for the truth --which you've given me."

"The truth is, Tommy has always loved Jason and probably always will, no matter who he winds up with.  The thing is, I still love him even though I know he doesn't feel that way about me.  I want to let him go, but I just can't seem to...."

"Did you even _try_ finding someone else in Florida?" Kat wondered.

"I tried," Kim confessed, "though there really wasn't much opportunity or selection.  I think Tommy had me spoiled; nobody was half as good to me as he was, and he was only pretending."

"No, he wasn't," Kat said sternly.  "He loved --loves-- you, Kim.  Take if from someone who knows.  While I didn't hear all this about Jason, I most certainly heard all about you.  Not only that, but I saw with my own eyes how much you meant to each other."

The blonde regarded her companion's dubious expression and sighed in frustration.  For as hard as she had tried to work things out with Tommy, she couldn't believe she was going to do this... but they were her friends after all.... "Kim, there's still a chance for you and Tommy."

"Why?  Because you broke up with him?" Kimberly asked.  Why was everyone so sure Tommy wanted her when he preferred guys to girls?

"Actually, Tommy broke up with _me_," Kat admitted with a wry smile, and she wanted to laugh at her friend's flummoxed expression.

"He did?" was all Kim could utter.  She hadn't figured Tommy would want to hurt Kat anymore than necessary, just like he hadn't really wanted to hurt her.  She assumed he'd try and let the relationship dissolve slowly, like they were supposed to have done with theirs, so the others wouldn't ask awkward questions.

"You expected otherwise?  He told me that he couldn't in all honesty say whether he was going out with me because he truly loved me or because he was using me as a shield as he had you."

"That stupid, idiotic, mixed up...!" the brunette fumed, her frustration with her one-time boyfriend getting the better of her.  How many times was he going to ruin things for himself --and other people-- because he didn't know how to handle this mess?  She had wanted him to be honest with Katherine, but he hadn't needed to be _hurtfully_ honest!

The Pink Turbo Ranger chuckled and shook her head at her predecessor's display of impatience.

"To tell you the truth," Kat began, "I'm glad he's the one who called it off."

"You are?" Kimberly blinked in surprise.

"Struggling against his memories of you was bad enough, but vying with his feelings for Jason... I don't think that's a battle I want to get involved in.  I care for Tommy, but not enough to compete with _both_ of your ghosts for his affection.  And I care enough that I didn't want to make him feel like I had abandoned him, too, if I'd have been the one to break off our relationship."

"I'm sorry, Kat," Kim murmured, her eyes brimming with sympathy.

"Don't be sorry.  At least, not for me," Kat requested, her voice thick with her emotions.  "If anyone needs our pity, it's our stupid, mixed up, idiotic ex-boyfriend."


	4. Four

Four 

Jason took a break from the weights and retrieved the bottle of water from his gym bag.  Tommy, however, started another series of reps.

"How'd it go with your folks?" he queried.  He hadn't spoken to his best friend since the Red Ranger had decided to come out.

"All right," Tommy grunted as he released the bar.  He sat up on the bench, and Jason tossed him a towel.  "They were very surprised but totally supportive."

"I knew they would be," the former Gold Ranger said, a touch smug that he should know his friend's parents better than their son.  "Did you tell them everything, including your feelings for me?"

"I wasn't planning on bringing you into it, since we're not lovers," Tommy continued, looking a little sheepish, "but Dad made a crack about thinking that you might be just my type, and I blew it by blushing."  He regarded his companion's raised eyebrows.  "Mom just gave him one of her _looks_...."

Jason knew how devastating one of Mrs. Oliver's _looks_ could be.  One did not want to be on the receiving end of her gaze when her hazel eyes darkened to almost brown!

"It's okay; I figured your mom would make the connection," he responded dismissively.  "What did she have to say about Kimberly?"

"Oh, man," Tommy grimaced.  "Once she made absolutely certain that I knew she accepted my being bisexual, she ripped me but good for what I'd put Kim through."  The memory of her scathing diatribe made his skin prickle as if sunburned.

"Your mom always thought a lot of Kim," Jason chuckled.  "She read you the riot act, huh?"

"Let's just say it all boiled down to her asking what I was going to do to make things right with Kim."

"Good question...." Jason began; however, he lost his train of thought as he happened to glance over at the team's usual table and found Tanya, Adam and Rocky huddled together.  He was glad to see that the former Blue Ranger wasn't isolating himself from the others in the wake of his forced retirement.

There was something about the way they were conversing, though, that struck him as odd: the hushed voices, the way their heads were bent together, the furtive glances around... as if making sure they weren't overheard.  It was almost like when they discussed Ranger business; however, judging by Adam and Rocky's shocked expressions at whatever the Yellow Ranger was so earnestly relating, it wasn't likely to be 'business.'  It wasn't until Rocky shot an incredulous glance in his and Tommy's general direction that the former team leader had a good guess as to what was up.

"By the way, bro, how'd Katherine react," he asked abruptly.

Tommy sighed regretfully.  "She was shocked and pretty upset....  She was angry because I wanted to break it off with her, but once I got into explaining everything, she didn't say much.  When I left, she was just sitting at the table, zombie-like."

"How much you want to bet she saved her tears for her best friend's shoulders?" Jason responded, cocking his head towards their friends' huddle.

Tommy closed his eyes and groaned.  He had not foreseen word getting around so quickly.

"You were planning on letting the others know, weren't you?"

"Yes, but...."  The Red Ranger shrugged it off with a sigh, then pushed himself up from the weight bench.  "Oh, well, at least I won't have to go through everything all over again, but I suppose I should go explain things and do some damage control for you."

"For me?"

"You don't want word getting to Emily that you and I are lovers, do you?"

Jason was about to insist that that was absurd, but then he thought about how easy it was for information to be reshaped in the sharing.  "Right.  Thanks.  So you went ahead and told Kat about me being in the picture?"

"You told me to tell her everything," Tommy replied, a trifle defensively.  "Besides, she demanded to know who 'the guy' was.  I guess she thought I was being a coward and making up some wild excuse for breaking up with her.  All the fight seemed to leave her when I mentioned your name.  I think she knew I wouldn't drag you into something like this for no reason."  He reached down to collect his bag.  "I'd best go face the music."

"I'd better come, too," Jason announced.  "You're liable to make a bigger mess of things without some backup."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, bro," Tommy grumbled with a mock pout.

Jason just laughed and slapped his friend on the back.

As the two neared their teammates' table, they heard Adam firmly announce, "I don't believe it.  I refuse to.  You never saw him and Kimberly together."

"He wouldn't be the first man to date a girl to hide his homosexuality," Tanya pointed out.

"Bisexuality," Tommy corrected softly, and the trio looked up quickly, sporting guilty flushes.  The Red Ranger settled his gaze on his yellow-clad teammate.  She shot him a skeptical look as if to say, _methinks thou dost protest too much._  "Trust me, Tanya; if I was 100% gay, I would not be in the mess I'm in now.  I take it Kat's talked to you."

"Can you blame her?" Tanya countered tightly.  "You've just turned her whole world topsy-turvy.  How would you expect her to react to finding out her boyfriend is still hung up on his ex _and_ another guy?"

The last dripped with accusation.

"That isn't fair," Jason interjected.  "Tommy didn't do this to Katherine on purpose.  Do you think it's been easy on him --especially keeping it a secret?"

The admonition was not lost on the others.

"You mean it's true?" Adam gulped, regarding Tommy in astonishment.  "You're really attracted to guys?"

"Yes."

"When'd you figure this out?" Rocky wondered.  "I mean, we had no clue...."

"Back before Rita made me the evil Green Ranger.  I've had plenty of practice in keeping this to myself."

"What about _him_?" the recently retired Blue Ranger blurted out, eyeing Jason questioningly.

"Do you mean when did I find out or am I bi, too?" Jason asked.

"While I think Jase is absolutely gorgeous, unfortunately, I'm not his type.  Emily is," was Tommy's flippant reply.  The stunned look on his teammates' faces --as well as Jason's blush-- was priceless.  "Look, guys, I've been through all the soul searching; I'm comfortable with my decision now and with you guys knowing.  I'd have said something sooner, but I didn't know how to tell you, that's all."

"Oh, man," Rocky groaned.

"Did Kimberly know?" Tanya wondered.  Katherine hadn't been very clear on that part of the story.

"Yes."

"And she dated you anyway?  The poor thing!  No wonder she dumped you."

"I didn't mean to hurt Kim anymore than I meant to hurt Kat; it just happened!" Tommy began heatedly; however, the exclamation died on his lips when he noticed Katherine's arrival.  Her face was expressionless as she headed towards the table.  Tommy swallowed anxiously.  

Kat did not pull up a chair, but remained standing; her steady gaze fixed on their team leader.  Everyone else had fallen silent.

"Hello, Kat," Tommy mumbled at last, bracing himself for her justifiable anger.

"All I have to say to you, Tommy Oliver, is that you'd better find some way of convincing Kimberly that you truly love her, or I'll kick your bum from here to the moon."  With her statement delivered, Kat's forbidding facade crumbled, and she offered Tommy a reassuring smile.

The Red Ranger smiled with relief then reached out to catch Kat's hand, giving it a heartfelt squeeze.

"Thank you for understanding," he said.  Then he cast a pleading glance around the table.  "Please, guys, I really could use your support... and your help."

"You've got both," Adam said, speaking for everyone else at the table.

"So, you're needing a way to convince Kim she was more than just a Jason stand-in," Rocky said indelicately, getting down to business.  His companions scowled at him for his lack of tact.

"Actually, I think I may know of a way," Jason piped up suddenly.

"How?" Tommy asked, his face shining with hopeful eagerness.

"I think it's time Kim and I resumed our bilge conversation."      


	5. Five

Five:

Jason didn't manage to track Kimberly down until the following day.  He found her at the Youth Center making use of the gymnastics equipment.  He shook his head in amazement.  _Just like when we were Rangers --even when you had a minute to yourself, you could never really relax._  If they weren't fighting monsters, they had school activities or homework or family plans, making the quiet times all the more precious.

That had been one of the nicest things about going to the peace conference: the chance to have some time to himself.  Although, he had to confess that that had worn thin after a while.  For all his patience when it came to diffusing situations, he'd always been more a man of action than of words.  Tommy's call couldn't have come at a better time.

_Poor Kim; she **still** can't call her time her own._

He watched as his petite friend readied herself at the far corner of the mat, preparing for her next tumbling pass.  He was more used to seeing her prance gracefully across the balance beam than seeing her charge across the floor, gaining speed for a powerhouse move.  He held his breath as she launched into a triple twist punch front.  As she hit her landing and held it, Jason applauded enthusiastically.  That pulled her out of her focus, and she breathlessly scampered over.

"That was fantastic," he raved appreciatively.  "I haven't really seen you work out since you went to train in Florida.  Man, I don't remember you ever being this good."

"Thanks," she responded, collecting her water bottle and taking a large swallow.  "Chalk it up to clean living and Wheaties," she jibed.  Her eyes twinkled with amusement.  "Coach really thinks I can medal in more than one event."

"Hey, he wouldn't have asked you to train with him in the first place if he hadn't," Jason pointed out.

"I feel pretty confident about my beam routine, but I'm not so sure about my skills on the other apparatuses."

"Hence the extra practice time while you're on vacation."

"I promised Coach I'd put in a couple hours every day.  He knows I have access to equipment here."

"Think you can take a break now?"

"Sure.  What's up?"

"For starters, no one has seen you since the victory party, and I thought you'd come home for a visit.  Secondly, I'd like to finish the conversation we started in Divatox's bilge," he replied, his no-nonsense tone letting her know that he wasn't going to be put off.

"Oh.  Okay, I guess."  The life seemed to drain out of Kimberly, and suddenly she appeared immeasurably tired.  Her reaction told Jason that she knew exactly what he wanted to discuss.

"Come on; let's gather up your gear and go some place a little more private," he suggested.

Upon leaving the Youth Center, Jason directed Kim towards the park.  They had almost reached the grassy expanse when he finally ventured his question.

"Before I say anything else, I need to know one thing.  When you broke up with Tommy, was it because you honestly believed he didn't love you?"

A frown creased Kim's face.  While she knew their conversation would be about what happened between her and Tommy, she wasn't quite sure where he was headed with this particular query.  There was something about the way he phrased it....  How did he know Tommy hadn't loved her?  She hadn't specifically said that --just that she couldn't keep on pretending.  Maybe Jason was better at reading between the lines than she thought.

"Yes."

"That's all?  You weren't wigged out by the fact that he was into guys?"

"How'd you find out about that?" Kim gasped, halting in mid-stride, her eyes wide with a mixture of surprise and fear.  She reached out to him, her hand catching his arm, and she asked earnestly, "Please tell me it wasn't Kat!"

"No, Tommy told me," he assured her with a gentle smile for her overwhelming urge to protect their friend.  "The others found out from her and Tanya, but I already knew by then."

"B-but why?  You... Kat... Tommy never wanted anyone else to know!" she protested, disbelieving.  "After all this time... after everything...."

"After everything he put you through and asked you to endure to keep his secret... after he toyed with your heart and crushed your dreams, why did he finally come clean?" Jason prompted, and Kim nodded tearfully.  "If I told you right now, you wouldn't believe me, but trust me, he had a very good reason for doing so."

"How did everyone else take it?  Was Tommy there when they heard?" she stammered, trying to get a grip on her whirlwind thoughts.  "I know Kat was pretty upset, but she told me she didn't let Tommy see how much.  They didn't make a big deal out of it, did they?"

"They were surprised as all get out --after all, the two of you sure did a great job of keeping it under wraps.  None of us had any clue... but they were accepting and supportive...."

Kim sighed, the exhalation tinged with vexation.  "Just like I always tried to tell him...."

"….and really pissed at what he put you through."

"They shouldn't be upset with him about that!" she burst out vehemently.  She had never wanted her friends to blame Tommy; that's why she had made up the lie about finding someone else.  It wasn't good for the team for the others to be angry with their leader.  "It wasn't _all_ Tommy's fault."

"He's the one who asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend."

"He was scared, Jason, confused.  He didn't know what to do or where to turn, back then.  _I'm_ the one who let it go on for so long.  It's not like I never knew he was gay... like I never knew that nothing would ever come of staying together with him....  What's so funny?" she demanded when Jason began chuckling.

"You are," he said at last, his eyes glimmering with merriment.  "You amaze me."

"Because I was so pathetic and desperate to be with Tommy that I'd settle for a fake relationship?" she snapped, turning away from him so he wouldn't see how much the truth hurt.

Jason eased her around again until she faced him.  "No, because you love him so much that even though he put you through hell, you're still willing to protect him."

Kimberly's resolve crumbled at his words, and he pulled her into a fierce hug, letting her cling to him as she sobbed.

"It's all right," he murmured soothingly, stroking her hair.  "Tell me something, even though you knew it was pretend, how was your relationship with Tommy?  How did he treat you?  To the rest of us, it sure looked like the real thing.  Was it much different between the two of you when no one else was around?"

"Tommy was wonderful, in public and private.  He always used to make me feel so good," Kim admitted with a sniffle.  "So kind, considerate, affectionate...  That's why it hurt so much to know it was just make-believe.  He was so good to me... too good sometimes.  It was so easy to forget...."

"Like I said, you guys sure had everyone fooled," Jason continued, a sly quirk to his grin.  "I mean, I don't know how many times Tommy and I would be hanging out shooting baskets or sparring and he'd be going on non-stop about you."

"H-he did that?" Kim mumbled diffidently.

"All the time," the one-time Gold Ranger laughed softly.  "He'd have this stupid look on his face: mushy puppy-eyes and a goofy grin; he'd be practically glowing.  Anytime you'd flash him a smile or hug him or --heaven help me-- kiss him, I'd have to peel him off the ceiling because he was positively floating."

The broken-hearted gymnast bit her lower lip and eyed her broad-shouldered companion dubiously.

"Even worse than the mushiness was the horniness," he continued, a bit more frankly than he normally would be with his female friends.

_That_ evoked a response.

"_I_ made him...?"  She blushed hotly in spite of the incredulity in her tone.

"Yes, you did," Jason assured her firmly.  "We'd practically have to hose him down in the locker room after he watched one of your practices.  He almost embarrassed himself the first time he saw you in a bikini, and _don't_ get me started on when you changed your wardrobe and started wearing those skorts and midriffs!  I heard about what a cute belly button you had so often that I nearly begged Trini to ask you to start wearing baggy sweatpants and knee-length t-shirts."

"N-no way," she protested weakly.

"Not that that would have stopped him," he went on.  "And heaven help the monster who laid a hand on you.  I heard all about what happened when Zedd stole your Power Coin.  That was scary.  Do you remember how cold and dark Tommy's voice was when he was the evil Green Ranger?  That's what he sounded like when he told me everything after the fact.  And the things he wanted to do to ol' Radiator Face....  He had plenty of reason to hate Zedd and Rita, but he never wanted to get back at them so viciously for what they'd done to him, but for what they'd done to you...."

How many times had she listened to Tommy react the same way whenever Goldar had hurt Jason?

"What I'm trying to show you is that Tommy did care --far more than just a friend.  Sure, he could have faked some of this, but all of it...?  I don't think so; he's not that good an actor.  He's too honest when it comes to his feelings.  And the reason that he had all the rest of us fooled is that it wasn't an act.  He really loved you."

"If he loved me, why didn't he ever tell me?  If he was attracted to me, why did he tell me he was gay?" Kim demanded, anguished.

"You said it yourself.  Tommy was confused," Jason said gently.  "What Tommy didn't know back when he first told you was that he wasn't gay.  He wasn't straight either.  He was both."

"Both?"

"Yes, bisexual.  Kim, if Tommy was really a homosexual, there's no way things would have been so confusing and messed up."

"How so?"

"Quite simply, Tommy wouldn't have let it.  If he had been totally gay, he would have treated you very differently.  He would never have let you get as close to him as you did; he wouldn't have had any interest in being close to you, and he would have set some ground rules for your fake relationship to keep you at a distance.  His sense of honor wouldn't have let him do anything else."

"But he did set rules...."

"He told you he was gay and asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend in public.  If he had no interest in you, you guys wouldn't have played the part of a couple in private as well.  Do you remember the night after Tommy came back to the team as the White Ranger?  The way he told it, the two of you had a pretty intense private reunion party that started with a hot kiss --that _he_ instigated...."

Kim blushed fiercely at the memory.

"That would never have happened --especially at such a late date in your relationship.  Or the kiss under the mistletoe during your last Christmas home....

"If Tommy was strictly gay, you both would have known.  Instead, you both had no idea what was going on.  Some guys wouldn't have known because they were still in denial about being gay.  Tommy wasn't.  He'd already accepted his attraction to other men.  He was confused because he liked you in ways that he shouldn't have as a homosexual, and you were confused because his words were telling you one thing, and his actions were telling you something else entirely.

"That's why you stuck things out for so long.  It wasn't because you were pathetic; your heart believed his actions while your head believed his words.  And Tommy never told you he loved you because he didn't figure out that what he felt for you was really love until he had lost you."

Jason could tell his words were starting to get through to her.  He could see how much she wanted to believe, so he pressed his advantage.

"When he came to see me in Geneva after he got your letter and phone call, Tommy's first words to me were, 'Now she'll never believe how much I love her.'  And he still loves you, Kim."

The former Pink Ranger said nothing, doubt still wavering in her eyes.

"Believe it, Kim!" Jason commanded, grasping her by the arms and giving her a shake as he stared into her surprise-widened orbs.  "Tommy loves you so much that he told me the one thing he _never_ wanted me to find out about him --so that I'd understand what went wrong, and be able to help him find a way to convince you of the truth."

He could sense her capitulation, but she held onto one last thread of misgiving.  However, he knew how to snip it.

"He even told me about being in love with me."

His revelation left Kim gaping at him, speechless.  He laughed at her dumbfounded expression.

"I probably had that same look on my face when he told me."

"How'd you react?  Did you get upset?  Did you let him down gently?" she asked quietly, though her words spilled out in a rush.  Her eyes pleaded with silent intensity.  Her concern for her ex-boyfriend's feelings was still astonishing.  Tommy was luckier than he deserved.

"Who says I let him down?" he teased.  He didn't think Kimberly's eyes could get any bigger, but some how, they did.  "I'm kidding, Kim.  Although, I think if I _was_ interested in other men, I'd have fallen for Tommy pretty easily.  I just gave it to him straight --he'd expect no less from me.  I love Tommy dearly, but not in the way he'd like.  He understood.

"I can't give him the kind of relationship he'd like to have with me, but you can give him the one he'd like to have with you."

"Jase, I don't want to be a substitute for you," she objected.  "Been there.  Done that."

"You wouldn't be!  Kim, if Tommy could have his way, he'd spend the rest of his life partnered with _both_ of us.  However, even if we were agreeable, things just don't work that way."

"I know," the gymnast admitted with a sigh.  "It's not fair, though, that he has to choose... that it has to be one or the other."

Jason's eyebrows climbed in query.  "Could you _really_ share Tommy with me in a relationship like that –physically as well as emotionally?"

"I've been sharing Tommy with you in one way or another ever since I've known him," she countered with a diffident smile.

"Kim, please give Tommy another chance.  He has my friendship and love, but he's still not happy.  I think even if I could be his lover, he'd still be unhappy without you in his life.  And if I know you, you won't be happy without Tommy in yours."

Kimberly knew she could not refute his statement.  She considered all Jason had told her.  Her heart was telling her to go for it; wasn't that what she wanted?  Her head, however, was advising caution.

"I won't make any promises, but I'll talk to him," she agreed, reaching a middle ground with her inner-demons.

"Thank you," Jason said with genuine gratitude, slipping her a peck on the cheek.  Kim wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.  

"Now, I should get you back to your motel so you can clean up and give Tommy a call," he declared briskly, his mind turning to the advice he needed to give Tommy so his best friend wouldn't blow it with her again.

"In a hurry, are we?" Kim wondered, cocking her head as she eyed him with a mixture of amusement and suspicion.

"Tommy hasn't been driving _you_ nuts with his moping," he retorted.  "He's probably at home right now pacing a hole in his mother's carpet, waiting for me to let him know what happened."

"Well, anything to spare Jan's rug," Kim murmured with a bemused lilt to her voice.

"I never could get used to calling Mrs. Oliver 'Jan'," he remarked.

"Tommy never felt comfortable enough with my mom to call her anything but Mrs. Hart, and knowing him, he probably will never remember to call her 'Dumas' now," Kim noted.  The comment made her stop and think.  "His folks know, don't they?"

"They do now."

Kimberly winced at the implication.  Then, her demeanor grew thoughtful.  "Maybe we'd better not say anything to my mother, though.  At least, not for a while."

Jason bit back his knowing smile.  Kim was talking as if their reunion was a foregone conclusion.  He wondered if she even realized it.  And as they wound their way back through the maze of paved paths in companionable silence, he observed a spring in his diminutive comrade's step.  That hopeful spark was back.  However, now that his mind was at ease about his friends' future, Jason turned his thoughts to more personal matters regarding Tommy's revelation.

"Can I ask you something else, Kim?" he began awkwardly.

"If it's not any worse than the last thing you wanted to ask me, shoot," she replied flippantly.

"I was wondering if you'd ever been angry with me over all of this.  After all, I was the reason Tommy couldn't give you the relationship you wanted.  I was the 'other woman,' if you will."

"But you didn't know it," Kim answered.  "You weren't to blame, Jason.  It's not like you deliberately seduced Tommy away from me.  I'll admit that there were times when I was jealous of you, but I was never angry or hateful.  It wasn't your fault."

Jason conceded her point with a nod then lapsed into a distracted silence, wondering if he should pursue the rest.

"What else did you want to ask?" Kim prompted, as if reading his mind.

"I probably could have asked this of Tommy, but I knew that he needed my unconditional support more than my questions," he fumbled.  "I've always known how he felt about you....  I'm just having a hard time believing his feelings for me run in the same vein.  He'd really go to you and gush about me the way he came to me about you?"

Kim couldn't help laughing, but he wasn't offended.  He understood the incongruity of it all.

"In the beginning, he was forever going on about you!" she said at last.  "The puppy-eyes, silly grin, shining face... all of it!"  Her grin broadened as she watched Jason wrestle with the notion, considering what _he_ had shared with Tommy in regards to her.  He looked a trifle unsettled at speculating on the reciprocal.

"He went on about the way I dressed?" he ventured uncertainly.

"Let's see... the way your jeans hugged your butt... oh, and the things your white football pants did to his hormones...!  I got so sick of hearing about your red tank tops... and heaven help me if you went shirtless!" she responded, echoing his earlier litany about her wardrobe.  "I practically had to hose him down."

"He didn't," Jason gasped, a touch horrified at the thought.  What was most disturbing about it wasn't so much that Tommy felt like that (which would take some getting used to, he had to confess) but that he'd share something like that with Kimberly!  As he noted Kim's wicked grin, he had to wonder just how much enjoyment she was deriving from making him squirm.  Maybe she hadn't been angry... just ticked off enough to get a little of her own back, perhaps?

"Oh, he did," she confirmed with a giggle.  "I hate to tell you this, Jase, but I know more about what you look like naked than any woman who isn't your girlfriend has a right to."

"Oh really?" he challenged defiantly.

"All those locker room showers after P.E. or football practice or Karate class at the Youth Center....  I hear you have this really cute dimple on your left...."

"Oh, God," he groaned, wanting desperately to sink into the cracks in the pavement.  Tommy really _had_ told her everything!

"And the things you did in his dreams... what a naughty boy you were!"

"I'll kill him," Jason grumbled, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You'll have to go through me first," she warned, looking decidedly fierce, though they both knew that they were only fooling.

"I know better than to mess with you when it comes to Tommy," Jason laughed, tousling her hair.  She lightly punched him in the bicep.  "You know something; I'm beginning to think that your break up was the best thing that could have happened to you guys."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, pulling a face at his outrageous remark.

"If you hadn't split up, things would have continued on as they had been and nothing would have been resolved.  Tommy would not have had figure out that he really loved you, and he never would have found the courage to come out to me --or anyone else-- without the prospect of regaining your love spurring him on.  And without Tommy coming out, you'd never have believed that he truly loves you."  He saw the flash in Kim's eyes, and forestalled her objection to his claim.  "Listen to your heart, not your head, Kim.  What is it telling you?"

"To get my butt back to my motel room and call Tommy," she answered.

"Then let's get you there."

"Jason, I'm still really scared," she confessed.

"I know, Kim.  So's Tommy."


	6. Six

Six:

As Tommy strolled through the park, it was all he could do to quell his excitement and considerable nervousness.  The impulse to run ahead was strong, but he didn't want to be out of breath when he met Kimberly, so he forced himself to remain calm.

Which wasn't easy.

Was it only a little over an hour ago that she called to say that she wanted to talk?  He shook his head at himself.  He had gotten ready to meet her faster than he ever had for any date.  His dad had laughed at how quickly he had sped through his shower, instead of loitering like he usually did.  _"Where's the fire?"_ his father had teased.  _In my heart,_ Tommy had wanted to tell him, but he'd been too intent on thinking about what he'd say to Kim when he saw her.  By the time he'd emerged from the bathroom (having given up rehearsing the speech and worrying about what Kim would like to see him in), Jason had arrived and had been waiting for him in his room.  He hadn't really thought about it at the time, but he had greeted his best friend with the biggest, soggiest, most heart-felt hug he had ever given him.

_"Hey!"_ Jason protested in mock outrage at the wetting he'd received.

_"Kim called,"_ Tommy declared jubilantly.

_"I know; I was there when she did it,"_ was his friend's knowing response.

_"I don't know what you said to her, but thank you,"_ he said, pulling his pal into a second joyous embrace.

_"Kiss me, and I'll deck you,"_ Jason warned playfully, smiling all the while as he disentangled himself.  _"Save it for Kim.  Geez, I need a towel!"_

Jason went on to summarize his conversation with Kimberly as Tommy got dressed.  He concluded with, _"Don't push her; she's still skittish.  She loves you, and she won't be happy until the two of you are together, but she doesn't want to be hurt again.  You really destroyed her trust in you; simply telling her may not be enough.  You may have to prove your feelings to her."_

Prove himself?  How?  While he had no answers, Tommy knew that he'd do whatever it took to convince her.  They just _had_ to be able to work things out!  He didn't want to consider the alternative.

When Tommy first arrived at the park, he realized that he'd neglected to ask Kim where she wanted to meet.  After all, Angel Grove Park was a big place.  However, he had a pretty good idea of where to find her: by the pond where they had shared their first kiss.  One of his most treasured memories happened on that spot, and it was the place where he liked to go whenever he had some serious thinking to do about Kimberly.

As he rounded the bend in the path, he spied her at the water's edge, skimming stones across the placid, mirror-like surface of the pool.  Tommy stopped cold.  The fire that he had claimed was smoldering in his heart flared brilliantly, and quickly engulfed the rest of him at the sight of the petite brunette.  Kim was wearing a pink tee that hugged her shapely curves and bared her firm abdomen.  Her short denim skirt rounded pleasingly over her backside and rode high on her thighs.  Finishing out the ensemble were hiking boots with pink socks peeking out the top, and a single barrette pulling her hair away from her face.  It wasn't the exact outfit he'd loved seeing her in so much, but it was close enough.

His chest felt tight, and it was very difficult to breathe.  The warmth that had surged throughout his body was suddenly, powerfully, concentrated in his groin.  It was a feeling not unlike the very first time he'd laid eyes on Jason.

_Oh, man,_ he groaned inwardly, wishing that his shower had been a cold one and that he hadn't worn white slacks.  Those were always murder when Kim dressed like this.  Before venturing another step, he jammed his hands deep into his pockets.

Kimberly hadn't noticed him yet, seeming lost in thought.  It was a rare treat for him to observe her like this --quiet, at peace.  He didn't often get to indulge in really looking at her when no one else was watching.  _So beautiful...._  He hated to disturb her; however, he couldn't stand the suspense any longer.  As he started to call out to her, she abruptly glanced his way.

"Hello, Kim," he murmured self-consciously.  As stupid as it seemed, he could feel himself blushing, and he felt like he was sixteen again.

She didn't respond at first, merely blinking and looking astonished.  Then, she glanced at her watch.

"You're early," she said in amazement.  Tommy made a face, but before he could reply, she went on, her tone and expression gentling.  "How'd you know where to find me?  I was halfway here before I realized I'd forgotten to tell you."

"This place has always been pretty special to me, too," he confessed.  "It's where 'we' began...."  He let the words die on his lips.  He was pushing.  This was her meeting; he'd just have to be patient and follow her lead.

"Yeah, it is," Kim agreed quietly, trying not to smile as she studied him.  The poor guy looked more scared now than he did the time they'd shared their first kiss.  She appreciated that he had remembered... and more than just the location.  He had worn white --white pants, white tank top, and his hair hung loose about his face in gentle waves.  She'd always loved him in white; it set off his tan to perfection, and the tank top he wore accentuated his muscular build.  Plus, she always loved it when he wore his hair down.

_So beautiful...._ she sighed to herself.  Tommy had always had a strong physical influence on her in spite of everything.  The only thing keeping her from melting into a helpless puddle of simmering hormones was the fact that it was anxiety and not his usual heart-fluttering smile flickering his those chocolate brown orbs.  And if she wanted to be honest, he wasn't the only one who was nervous.   

"I don't know where to begin," she admitted, glancing down at her hands as she wrung them together.  "What is there left to say that Jason hasn't already relayed for us?"

"Some things, though, you have to hear for yourself to believe," he answered quietly.

"Believe?  I don't know what to believe anymore!" Kim exclaimed, the words simply exploding out.  She had promised herself that she was going to be calm and collected, that she wouldn't lash out, but her feelings of hurt, betrayal and frustration would no longer be denied or bottled up.  "You told me you were gay.  You told me you were in love with Jason... that he excited you in ways no one else ever had.  You told me that you could never love me like that.  You told me you never wanted Jason to know... and I believed you!  You turned my world upside down... you stomped on all my hopes and dreams... and you had the nerve to ask me to keep on pretending there was something between us.  I should have told you no, but I felt sorry for you.  I hurt for you, and I wanted to help you.... And now you're telling me that everything you ever told me was a lie?"

"I'm sorry, Kim," Tommy responded; rarely had he heard such pain and disillusionment in her voice.  And her eyes looked suspiciously moist.  If she cried, he was not going to be able to just stand there and take it.

"You've told me you're sorry a hundred times already!  I don't want any more apologies; I want the truth!"

"But will you believe it?" he asked quietly, bringing her up short.

His emotions were raw in his tone, and Kimberly flinched inwardly.  She always hated hearing the pain in Tommy's voice... seeing it in his eyes.  It made her want to take him in her arms and just forget about hashing things out.  She didn't want to put him through this... but she knew that would solve nothing.

"The truth?  The truth is I love Jason, _and_ I love you," he began.  Kimberly had her arms folded across her chest, her fingers pressing deep into her flesh.  He pried her fingers away and held tightly to her hands.  

Kim wanted to look away... to escape from intensity of his gaze... of his words....  Tommy's whole demeanor commanded her attention.  In his eyes, she could see his soul.

"Lightning stuck twice for me," he continued, "only, I didn't know it.  I was so blinded by the first bolt that I never saw the second until it was gone.

"Kimberly, what I feel for you is the same thing I feel for Jason.  Everything I ever admitted to feeling for him, I feel for you.  _Everything._  The affection... the warm fuzzies... the excitement... the physical attraction... it's all there!

"I know now that I have loved and desired you both for as long as I've known you guys.  I also know that as much as I wish otherwise, I can't have you both.  I have to choose... and I choose you."

"Not too difficult, all things considered," Kim murmured under her breath.  She knew her words were uncharitable, but she couldn't help herself.

"It was more difficult than you know," Tommy replied.  "It wasn't as simple as the fact that I know Jason is straight.  Really, his sexual orientation wasn't the bottom line.  I could have chosen you without ever saying a word to him about how I'd felt.  I kept it from him for this long; if we got back together, he'd never even have a cause to question my sexuality.  I could have kept this a secret... kept my hopes and fantasies alive... but I didn't.

"By telling Jason the truth --by hearing his reaction-- I closed the door on any hope I might have had with him.  I had to, Kim, because those hopeless dreams all but destroyed what I shared with you."

"What did we share, Tommy?" she wondered, anguished.

"Friendship.  Trust.  And --unknowingly-- love," he said quietly.  "We shared secret desires.  We shared confidences.  We shared laughter and tears... hopes and dreams....  We shared so much that was good.  And a lot that wasn't: fears, concerns, angers, disappointments...."

Tommy was right; they had been through a lot together, and somehow, they hadn't lost _everything_ that they had shared.  Deep down, they were still friends in spite of it all.

Kim felt a tear trickle down her cheek.  All she wanted was for him to hold her like he used to and tell her that everything would be all right.  She wanted him to make her pain go away, but that meant opening herself to him... trusting him again, and praying he wouldn't abuse that trust again.

"I can't deny who I am inside," he resumed speaking.

"I don't want you to deny that part of yourself," she interrupted.  "I never wanted you to be anyone but who you are."

"I'll probably always carry a torch for Jason, and I don't doubt that you'll catch me ogling some good looking guy...."

"Looking never hurt anyone, and I've always known that Jason would have a place in your heart.  It's just that all I ever wanted was for there to be a place for me, too," Kim admitted sadly.

"There always was, Beautiful; there always will be."  Tommy looked deep within her brimming eyes and read the uncertainty therein.  He felt like swearing in frustration.  "What I regret most about this whole mess is that I destroyed your ability to trust me.  You used to... with your life... with your heart...."

Kimberly wanted to deny his claim and was filled with hot shame when she could not.

"Is there any way I can prove what I'm telling you is the truth?"

"I... I don't know," she mumbled, ducking her head so Tommy wouldn't see her tears.  She wished he hadn't asked that question.  She felt utterly sick inside for being unable to take him at his word.  Here he was, telling her what she'd always longed to hear, and yet she couldn't believe him.  More than anything she wanted to have the faith in him that she once did, but for how long had his words and actions contradicted one another?

Tommy gently drew Kim into his arms and held her close as the first glimmering droplet slipped down her cheek.  Her tears were the worst possible torture, especially because he was responsible for them.  Her every shudder as she cried sliced through him like a stake in his heart.  Every salty bead from her eyes that dampened his clothes was like acid eating away at him.  He felt so helpless, and he'd move heaven and earth to make her smile again.  For now, all he could do was hold her --grateful that she hadn't pushed him away-- and hope it was enough to bring her some comfort.

Kimberly felt herself melting in the warmth of Tommy's embrace.  It had been so long since he'd held her like this.  It was funny, but his hugs had always been the most honest gesture he'd ever offered her.  They weren't something he held in reserve; Tommy's hugs were meant for the people he cared about... his friends, regardless of the degree of his feelings for them.

She liked feeling him all around her... his warmth... his strength....  She liked hearing the drumming of his heart... the soothing rumble of his voice in his chest.  She always felt safe and secure in his arms.  She felt cared for (if not loved), and it always made her wish she could feel that way all the time.

It was all Tommy could do to keep from crushing the petite brunette to him in an even fiercer embrace.  Whenever Kimberly was in his arms, he never wanted to let her go.  He wanted to shelter and protect her always, and it pleased him whenever he could tell that she was drawing strength from him.  Whatever he could offer her in the way of comfort or reassurance, he would gladly give.

"I wish I didn't need proof," Kim said at last, anger coloring her tone as she buried her face deeper into his chest.  "I want to believe you... I really do...."

"But I've left you little choice," Tommy replied, ducking his head to nestle his cheek against her silky hair.  He inhaled deeply --as much to calm himself as to fill his senses with her heady fragrance.  "I told you one thing then did another until you no longer knew what to believe.  I understand, and I don't blame you."

His understanding only made her feel more ashamed.  How could they ever have a meaningful relationship without trust?  Angry with herself, with him... with the situation, she pushed him away brusquely, but his arms held her securely.  She struggled to break away, but he didn't let her go.

He wasn't going to let her run away again.

"Dammit, Tommy, I do love you --more than any sane woman should!-- and I probably always will, but I'm tired of being used... hurt... betrayed....  Can you _really_ love me the way you love Jason?" she demanded.  Unvoiced was the plea, _Can you make me believe you again?_

Tommy caught her face between his hands and tilted her head up so he could look her in the eyes.

"Yes," was all he said.  Then, he bent his head to hers and claimed her mouth in a kiss.

Words would not be enough to prove what was in his heart.  After all, he had destroyed her with words before.  This time, he would show her.  Word and act would be as one.  He would bare his soul and pour it out to her in this kiss.  He had often told Kim how much he'd like to kiss Jason and demonstrate exactly how much he meant to him; he wanted to do that now with her.

Kim was more than a little startled when Tommy's mouth descended upon hers.  Her back stiffened, her whole body going rigid in his arms.  However, slowly, she began to melt under the heat of his mouth on hers.  Tommy had _never_ kissed her quite like this before.  There was an intensity to it... a curious mixture of hard and soft, of commanding and coaxing, willing and wishing.  Puzzling... compelling... intoxicating... intriguing... she allowed herself to be drawn in deeper, wanting to explore the mystery further.  She yielded to him, her arms loosening their hold only to thread up around his neck as she stood on tiptoe.  Her mouth softened, giving over to the sweet exchange.

Tommy's hands slowly skimmed down her body, sending shivers coursing through her.  Her knees felt weak, and she pressed herself against him more tightly as she felt herself drowning in sensation from within and without.  His tongue peeked out, exploring tentatively... questing....  Her lips parted ever so slightly, allowing him in until their tongues twined together in a sensuous embrace.

In that moment of surrender, Kim did more than merely open her mouth --she opened her heart as well.  As their kiss deepened, she _felt_ what Tommy was trying to convey.  She felt something from him that she never had before: love, desire, passion.  Her heart leaped for joy.  Her own emotions surged forward, feelings long held in check bursting forth.  She wanted Tommy to know just how deeply he touched her heart and soul.

In that instant, the tender caresses their tongues traded flared into a heated duel.  Licking... tracing... nipping... tasting... passion that had always been carefully concealed overwhelmed them both.  Love _and_ desire impacted against their senses, a fiery maelstrom of emotion and sensation.

Their bodies melded together, moved together.  It seemed as if they couldn't press their bodies close enough.  They couldn't hold each other tight enough.  Their hearts beat in the most primal of ancient rhythms; their pulses pounded and raced towards something neither had ever experienced.

Neither one wanted to be the first to let go; they wanted to remain lost in the fiery embrace forever.  However, Tommy's mouth reluctantly abandoned Kim's --but only to enable him to grab a quick breath.  In that heartbeat when time seemed to stand still, he drank deep of the sight of the woman in his arms.  Eyes closed, face flushed, lips trembling, Kimberly was alive in a way he had never seen her before.  He could feel the thrumming of her heart, noted the heavy rise and fall of her bosom, heard her breathy gasps for air and the small whimper of disappointment.  Her tongue peeked out to wet her lips.  Those soft petals glistened invitingly, and he surrendered to the urge to devour her succulent mouth once again.

Even as he explored the depths of her mouth, his hands began exploring the rest of her.  They slowly descended down the line of her back.  Where bare flesh met his questing fingers, it was like stroking hot silk.  His hands continued lower, glossing over her rounded bottom until he cupped her sweet swells and gently squeezed their inviting softness.  He felt Kim's throaty purr of delight reverberate in his mouth, and her approval spurred him to be bolder in exploring her other attributes.

Kim's hands were not idle either.  She had to touch Tommy... anywhere and everywhere, delighting in the contrast of his hard, cut sinews and soft wavy hair.  A tingling warmth churned deep within her, spreading through her in fiery ripples as she touched this man she loved beyond all reason.  Even as her body quickened to the feel of his sleek, muscular frame, she felt herself responding to his questing, tantalizing touch.  Her spirit soared as her pulse raced.  To touch and be touched... Kimberly had yearned for this moment for so long.

And so had Tommy.  He felt ecstatic tremors quaking through him as her fingers ran riot through his hair, caressed his face.  He never though the moment would be so powerful... so irresistible.  A part of him knew that matters were swiftly careening out of control, yet another part didn't care.  It felt too wonderful holding Kim... touching her... feeling her pressed close to his body.  His hands continued to roam unchecked, sliding up her bared sides to the hem of her baby tee.  His thumbs brushed across the tempting softness of her breasts; they felt so full and lush....  Then, to his amazement, a stiff little knot nudged his inquisitive digit.  He drew his thumbs back and forth across the hardened protrusions and delighted in the responses it provoked --the soft moan, the shivers shuddering through her body....  He shifted her in his arms, his mouth never leaving hers, so that he could further explore.

At the same time, Kimberly was better able to pursue her own investigations.  Slowly, boldly, she slid her hands down the soft fabric concealing his smooth, sculpted chest.  She wished she could feel the satin of his skin.  Dimly, she realized that she was losing herself in the power of the moment... the power of his body, but she didn't care as her hands skimmed inexorably towards the leather dividing-line of his belt --a boundary she had never dared cross before.  She hesitated, but only for a moment, brushing her palm over the zippered closure.  She met with a hardened ridge of male flesh whose warmth she could feel through the white fabric.

As if in slow motion, she curled her fingers around the solid bulge.  She could feel it lengthening... pulsing... a curious sensation to feel him grow under her inquisitive touch.  She rubbed across his burgeoning hardness ever so slightly.

Then, she heard a sound... a moan... thick and rich that rumbled up from deep within her one-time boyfriend's chest.  It was a vocalization unlike any she'd ever heard him utter, and it sent chills down her spine as the resonance wrapped her in a heady embrace and filled her with an intoxicating warmth.

It also made her cognizant of his hands at her breasts.  She sucked in an excited gasp as his gentle caress sent shockwaves vibrating through her.  His touch was gentle as always, but there was a delicacy he had never shown before.  The weight on her chest felt strange and wonderful.  She knew she should probably say something... she should probably remove her own hand from Tommy's person, but she did neither.  She raised her eyes to his face to try and read what he was feeling.  Though his expressive eyes were closed, his face was aglow with a joy she had rarely glimpsed in him. 

Tommy opened his eyes at that moment and saw Kim looking up at him with an expression full of delight and hope.  He was aware of the placement of her hand, but he was past the point of feeling self-conscious about schooling his response to her.  Kimberly needed honesty from him... he couldn't offer her a more honest reaction than that.       

The moment lingered, both lost in the intense gaze of the other.  Then, slowly, they seemed to come down from the heights to which the unexpected whirlwind of passion had carried them.  Hands slipped away to more innocuous positions.  

Kim willingly moved into the circle of Tommy's arms again, resting her head against his chest, listening to the soothing murmur of his heart as it quieted.  She could still feel the pulse of his excitement against her, and she delighted in the nearness of him, the heady scent of his aftershave, the lingering taste of him on her lips, and the strength of his arms around her.

As for Tommy, he pressed her close as he tried to regain control of his chaotic senses and quivering body.  He indulged himself in stroking her silky hair, letting that simple act quiet his careening emotions.  The moment had been more powerful than any morph he had ever experienced, and he never felt so alive... nor more aware of the woman cradled in his arms: her pounding heart, her trembling, her softness, her strength.

"Oh, wow," he murmured.  His low exclamation seemed to break the spell of the moment.

"Tommy, can I ask you something?" Kim ventured hesitantly.  "I know you said that you didn't realize that what your felt for me was love until I had broken up with you, yet Jason told me you experienced a good deal of... well, to be blunt, lust.  Yet you never seemed interested in me in that way --that I could tell."

"That's because I was too self-conscious about it," Tommy answered.  "The thought of you catching me with an erection whenever I saw you in your leotard was only marginally less mortifying than Jason catching me with one whenever he went shirtless.  I wasn't uninterested; I was just really good at keeping it hidden.  And let me tell you, it wasn't easy keeping things down when we were in uniform.  Man, the things seeing you in those pink tights used to do to me!"

"Not to mention Jason in his red ones; he filled them out pretty good," Kim teased.

Her words filled him with sudden trepidation, and he took a step back so he could see her better.  He studied her eyes for any indication of rancor or bitterness.  Her brilliant smile and sparkling eyes only held laughter.

"Kim," he began with all due seriousness, reaching down to catch her hands in his, his grip fierce with his emotions, "did you understand what I was trying to tell you with that kiss?"

Her face brightened, and she smiled tenderly.  She freed a hand to reach up and stroke his cheek.  "Yes."

"And can you believe that I truly love you?"

"Yes, Tommy, I think I can."

He was about to pull her into another exuberant kiss when she broke the embrace, smiling impishly.

"And even if I didn't believe this...." she began, giving him a quick peck, her eyes twinkling with happiness and mischief as joy coursed through her.  "I'd have to believe this...."  She gave his undiminished hardness a playful nudge.

"Oh?  Why's that?" he wondered, perplexed.

"You can't fake _that_... can you?"

While he knew he could keep his 'interest' from being noticed, could he fake it...?  "I really don't know, but I don't think so.  I'm not _that_ good an actor."

His reply set Kim to giggling, and he regarded her archly.

"That's exactly what Jason said," she tittered, trying to control her mirth.

Tommy rolled his eyes and groaned.  Then, he became sober again.  As he stood there gazing at her, he recalled that afternoon when 'they' had begun.

Kimberly's thoughts had turned in that direction, too, and a playful smile quirked the corners of her mouth.

"I've missed you," she murmured, her gaze darting away shyly almost as soon as their eyes met.

Tommy grinned, and he caught up one of her hands.  As he held it, his thumb idly played across the smooth back of her soft-yet-strong hand.  Then, he leaned in slowly and planted an innocent kiss --just the slightest brush of his lips against hers-- on her mouth.

When he drew back, he let out the breath he had been holding and realized that once again, he had butterflies in his stomach.  

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," he said, grinning bashfully.

"Me, too," she confessed with the same degree of nervous happiness.

Suddenly, Tommy caught her under the arms and lifted her up.

"Yes!" he exclaimed as he spun her around for sheer joy.

"Tommy!" she protested with a laugh, her hair flying in her face.  "You forgot your lines!  You're supposed to ask me out first, then spin me around."

The memory of their very first kiss was indelibly imprinted in both their memories.

"I know.  I'm improvising," he retorted as he set her down.

"I didn't think you were that good an actor," she jibed.

"Listen, do you want to get together with me at the Youth Center?  You know, nothing major, just hang out?"

"Hey, that's _my_ line you're butchering!" she objected, though pleased that their first meeting had made such an impression on him.

"Talk about _me_ forgetting!  You're supposed to say, 'Yeah, that sounds cool,'" he corrected with a smirk.

"Oh, you...." she grumbled, giving him a playful nudge, and the two reveled in their shared laughter.

"So, what do you think?" Tommy asked hopefully.

"I think I want a Smoothie," she replied blithely.

"I meant about us."

"I know, silly.  I just figured since you never got the chance to treat me to a Smoothie the first time we tried to get together that maybe you might get to treat me to one, now that we're starting over."

"I can handle that."

They stood there, smiling silly, love-struck smiles at each other.  Then, Kim's faded.

"What?" Tommy asked anxiously.

"No more secrets?" Kim questioned hopefully.

"No more secrets," he promised.  Then, he offered Kim his hand.  She took it, and they started down the path together.


End file.
